10 Things You Didn’t Know about Batman

REMINDER: I’M NOT FIXING ANY TYPOS BECAUSE I’M DRUNK AND IT WILL MAKE THIS RAMBLING MORE SILLY AND INSTRESTING

So. Whenever I write something about this character. I, for some reason, feel the need to remeind you all that I claim to be a Batman expert. Condider that a job well done there, then, right? But hey. Every now and they even I’m surprised by random bits of Bat-knowleged. So I figured…

Why not try to give you, dear reader, the same feeling I recieve. You know. During those every now and thens when i, myself, learn something new about this awesome, iconic character? Right?

Although, I’ll admit, some of these are probably not that surprising. Especially if you have any knowlege od the BAtman. So yeah. Some of these are low-balled. I’ll admit that. But still. Fun times all-around, I’m sure.

#10. Unlike most comic book heroes, Batman has no “true love.”

Something like this.
Something like this.

Superman has Lois Lane. Spider-Man  has Mary Jane. Iron man has Pepper Pts. Green Lantern has that woman that turns into a villain. Flash… probably has… someone. Point is. Most comic book heroes have their one, true love. Where as Batman… just… doesn’t.

Sure there could be an argument made that Catwoman/Selina kyle is that “one true love.” It’s certainly been implied throughout their 75 year history/ Maybe you coudl say that Talia al Ghuyl is Batman’s “one true love.” Because. You know. Damian Wayne. Or perhaps it’s Vicki Vale. Because… wel… because Batman (1989).

But no. The fact is. There has never, ever been a “Lois Lane” for Batman.

#9. He has a dossier with plans to neutralize each and every member of the Justice League.

That’s right. If he wants to. He CAN be the last man standing.

This was famously seen in the JLA story arc , “Tower of Babel.” Even more famously it wasin display with the WB Animated movie, Doom. In both of these stories, an arch-villain is able to get a hold of Batman’s dossiers of all of the Justice League members and utilize them. In which, Batman is lkeft to save the entire Justice League on is iwn,

Because. You know. HJe basically did these horrible theings to them, Indirrecty,

Essentially, for those of you that think that Batman CAN NEVER beat, say, Superman or ANY hero in some sort of fight. Think again.

#8. Batman has, quite often, used guns.

Yup. Even today. Batman still uses guns.

No matter how much Danny O’Neiil wantsyou to forget the fact that Batman used… and still does use guns. The proof is there. In the early days, we’re talking pre-Batman #1 in 1940. Hell. Beforfe the debut of Robin. Batman often used guns.

As in like. Hand guns. In fact, guns were, basically, the main tool in his non-existent utility belt.

#7. He’s dated Wonder Woman.

Goes with #10., innit?

I mean. It’s not that well known, is it? btman and Wonder Woman have hooked up. Confirming most Rule 34 rthings out there. Except. In reverse. Or something. Honestly, I have no idea where I’m going with this. At al. Like. I don’t knw what else to say about this.

I did say that some of these were low-balled, right?

#6. Batman once tortured Dick Grayson after accepting him as his ward.

This... does it NO justice.
This… does it NO justice.

In a HIGHLY under rated/appreciated elseworld story. An oincomplete story. Written by Frank Miller. All-Star Batman and Robin. Batman kidnaps FDick Grayson after his parents had been murdered. He then procedes to verbally abuse the boy. Beats him up whilst “training” him. Hell, Batman even attacked Alfred when the butler had tried to reason with his master. And other… just… bizarre things that most peoplewouldn’t accociate with the story of Batman and Robin.

But again. This is an elseworlds story. It doesn’t “count.” But still. it did happen. Once. Kinda.

#5. Batman is… some sort of fan of anime/manga

I definitely need a shower after all this disgustingness.

In JLA #27, Bruce Wayne and Clark Kent go to some Japanese restaraunt… somewhere in Japan, if I’m not mistaken. They’re meeting their buddy, ‘ole pal, Martian Manhunter (a shapeshifter), who’s in disguise as “Hino Rei.”

Upon meeting Ms. Rei, Bruce Wayne immediately recognizes Jon/Manhunter’s disquige. Stating that the name was a dead giveaway.

Because. Apparently. Hino Rei is the name of a character in a manga/anime thing. Sailor Moon? Maybe Ms. Rei sails the moon? I have no idea. And like I kinda said just a little while ago. I definitely, DEFINITELY need to take a shower after this whole discussion.

Disgusting.

#4. Batman’s defeated Captain America

I swear. It happened.

While, I’m only citing the Marvel vs. DC series that took place in the 90’s because. Why wouldn’t that have happened in the comics industry in the 90’s? And yes. Yes. Yes. There probably is a HUGE asterisk that you could have here. Hekk… I can’t even reember if the two actually, TOTALLY fought in a manner in which there was a true winner. But. Even if they did…

DC was all ilke… No. We will NOT doe this comic series UNLESS Batman and Superman win their matches~! And they Shawn Michaels’d it all up. Superman, whith his 90’s mullet in tow, defeted… the Hulk, if I’m not mistaked. Batman was victorious over Captain America. Because DC didn’t lay down FOR ANY BODY~! MICHAELS STYLE~! So yes. There probably is a huge asterisk here. But still. It happened. The end.

#3. Batman HAS Killed


No. I’m not on about this.

But. Damn it. Batman has killed. Like. A lot. Hell. He’s even killed the Joker.

I'm not even on about this.
I’m not even on about this.

In his very first appearance. Batman, DID killed the defacto Joker in Detective Comics #27. And. Well. Off the top of my “expert” head. All I can say is. I’m pretty positive that this murderous rage within Bruce Wayne persisted for quite a while in his early days.

The end.

#2. Batman, a mere mortal, once faced off against AND DEFEATED both “Predators” and “Aliens.”

But don't just take these covers' words for it...
But don’t just take these covers’ words for it…

Batman fought. Defeated. Kaput. Both of these action/horror movie villains. Because. Well. BEcause he’s Batman. But again. Don’t just take my word for it. Or something. Don’t just be all like… WHY WOULD I EVER BELIEVE YOU?! (Even though… what follows all of this has NOTHING to do with “trutst or whatever)

Watch tjos AMAZING fan film from years’ passed about these two comic sereis. Do it.


Seriously. This thing was made in like… 2005 or 2006 or something. It’s AMAZING. Watch it. Or else.

#1. Batman IS NOT afraid of bats.

…at all.

The chiroptophobia amge; was NOTHJIGN more than a story creation on the parto of Teram Nolan. No, I odn’t know who came up with this idea. I don’t know if it was Christopher Norlan, or Jonathon Nolan or if it were David Goyer. Whoever it was. Created this notion that Bruce Wayne had a prior fear of bats.

Mostly, this is because the largest theme of the movie had to do with fear. Thuse, they felt that the hero of their story should have to conquer his own fear as he went along his hero’s journey.

Long story short… Batman has been portrayed to be afraid of many things throughout his 76 year history. In the circa 1985 Super Powers TeamSuperfriends dirivitive, it was portrayed that Batman was afraid of Crime Alley. The spot in which his parents were murdered. In the 1992 episode of Batman 0 The Animated Series, “Nothing to Fear,” it ewas portrayed (most accurately, by my estimation) thaty Batman was most afraif of his father’s disapproval.

And. In 2005’s Batman Begins, Team Nolan decided to throw chiroptophobia in there. Because. WHY NOT?! Outside of thisfilm, however, there has never, EVER been a mention that Bruce Wayne or Batman is afraid of bats. Boom.

 

 

 

So there you have it. 10 things you may, or may not, have known about Batman. Hope you had fun reading. Because like. All I wanted to do was write something about Batmsan. Since. It’s been… a while. Abd ut was pretty fun compiling this list. On my end.

But since I STILL hacve NO idea on how to end ramblings. Here’s something aweseom. From my favorite Batman story.

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Ryan

I’m pretty awesome. I write drunken ramblings. Lover of gaming. Engaged in an on-again-off-again relationship with pro-wrestling. And I am your resident Batman expert.

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