REMINDER: Iâ€™M NOT FIXING ANY TYPOS BECAUSE Iâ€™M DRUNK AND IT WILL MAKE THIS RAMBLING MORE SILLY AND INSTRESTING
So. Aside from the obvious thing that’s obvious (only ONE of those things, in case you’re wondering). There’s only, seriously, trhee other Tim Burton films that I actually enjoy. Well, at least, enjoy enough to say, “Yeah, I really like that movie.” And, well. Let’s just say. This isn’t one of them.
I’ve never been ble to look past just about all of Tim Burton’s emo teen angths that’s on display in all of his movies. (Except for that one, obvious one). And really, of the other three films that he’s helmed and I enjoy, two of them actually have all of the Burton tropes. All od the emo teenage angst. Everyone in the movie’s are gray. Hell, in two of those three, they even star Helan Bonham Carter and Johnny Depp.
Bonus points if you can guess what three movies I’m on about in the comments. Or. Whatever.
Nightmare Before Christmas? I just can’t stand this ovie. At all.
Abd tes, I am aware, he didn’t direct the movie. But still. It’s got damn near all of his tropes within it even though he’s just the producer. Whatever. Let’s do this.
- Acciding to Dish Network’s “critique” bit, this move’s got four stars, which is the highest they can give.
- And. it starts with singing. Although, as far as musicalness is concerned, ‘This is Halloween” is actually fairly decent. But. Still.
- Ugh. pretty much right after ‘This is Halloween” Jack breaks into song right away. SAgain.
- teenage. Emo. Angst. Right away. Money shot. Jack on that mountain thingus. Singing.
- Yeah. Skipping the song now.
- I sqwar to God. If sally and this scientist person start singing, I’m going to fli out.
- Si farm tge viuce if Jack has about as good of delivery as Tommy Wiseu in The Room.
- Seriously. The voice actor IS Toimmy Wiseau. HAS to be.
- So. Jack canÂ randomly stumble upon Christmas town in a forrest. Yet. No other holiday has ever done so? You know? Just. Just. Just…
- “Whaty’s this?” Exactly what I’m thiniking at the moment.
- “HOW QUEER!” Such microagressions.
- So. Jack is the pumpkin king, right? Yet. He’s all black, white and gray. Why?
- Sally’s doing something now. Because reasons.
- Oh. She’s witnessing jack go on about Christmas presents.
- And. Teenage, emo, angst.
- More music. Thingus.
- “There’s got to be a logical way to explain this Christmas thing.” Jask asks. Which isn’t to be confused with Jackask.
- Sinetung gaopoebubg, Maybe?
- Arn’s fell off. Stuffs. Again. Because?
- Burning trees. Thingueses. Because, Why not?
- Teenaged. Angst. Thinguses.
- Siging. More of it. SKOIP!
- Soinetging? Trick or treaters? Something? I don’t even know or care now.
- More singing. This “kidnapping Santa Claus” song is dragging on way too much. I’m fucking over it.
- Nopes. Still don’t care about what’s happening. At all.
- Fucking. More songs. SKIP!
- Something about Jack dressing up as Santa. because… because… Because… Because…
- Becasue Halloweentown microagresses against Santa.
- And. Just. WhuY?
- Santa Clause is still all like kidnapped or whatever. Because. That’s heroic. On a hero’s journey.
- Fucking. More mucci. SKIP!
- Jack’s going to do the Santa Claus, delivering presents. Thing? Sojething about Rudolph?
- I don’t know. And really. I don’t care at all.
- FFS. “ZERO” saves the day. Fucking cunts.
- No. Really. I will NOT watch any more. I’m don. Fuck this movie. Or you know.