12DoDM19 — D3: Watching of The Christmas Chronicles

So. Yeah.I alluded to this on D1. But. Yeah dude! The ONLY other Christmas movie that I know of or… I guess cared aenough about to remember that happened in 2018. You know. Last year. Was. This. this Netclix orriginal film. The Christmas Chronicles. Starring Kurt Russel. You know. The guy from Death Proof.

RANDOMISH SIDENOTE: Dearh Proof Is… forreals… probably, I mean, EASILY,Quintion Tarantino’s most underrated movie. Forreals, dude. It’s FAR better than that Kill Bill nonsense. AT THE VERY LEAST. But. WHatever. Uh.

THe Chistmas Chronicles. My Niece and Nephew watched this movie to death last year. But. Shit. I was feeling nostalgic. Cause, althought I almost died last year, it was a better one than this pile of shit. But. Whatever. Uh. Yeah. I was feeling nostalgic and wanted to watch the movie with them again a couple of weeks ago. And. I mean. We kinda did. Whatever.

Point is. I’m watching this. Again. For the 100,000th or so time. THat’s not to discredit it. It’s a great Christmas movie. It really is. But. Excuse me for most of this. Yeah?

LFG!

1. 1. December. 25, 2006. I’m suh a boomer. That’s the year I graduated. BOOOOOOO!
   2. 2007 is the year Superbad came out and I related to it. Cause. High school the year before. BOOOO!
   3. 2008 is the year live went to shit. Althought. THe best movie ever happened. So.
   4. 2011. Is a year. That happened. Hugging it out…. I don’t… THINK… was a thing yet? I dunno? Merhapps it happened on Entorage at that point. I dunno. Something about True Blood? I think. I liked True Blood. A lot.
   5. 2013. Another year. That happened.
   6. I wonder if any of this was filmed Boyhood style. Legit. Cause like. THat “young actress” person. LEGIT. Looks… EXACLY like the actress that’s like the main protagonist child person of the movie.
   7. Ugh. The Patriots.
   8. 2016. Ugh. Better not mention this year.
   9. Dude. These things HAD to be filmed Boyhood style. Forreals.
   10. Clay Kaytis. Good job.
   11. HOLLA! HOLLA! PLAYA! TEDDY IS HERE!

       

   12. Teddy’s a dick an all. But at least he doesn’t say Santa isn’t real. That dick.
   13. Dad;s dead and everything. Mom’s working all the timme. Of course there’s no Christmas decorations and stuffs. Ugh. Singlemotherhood. AMIRITE?!
   14. Christmas cookie making. Cool.
   15. Uh oh. Dad’s not alive anymore. BOOOO!
   16. Something about Teddy and sister person needing to stay together. Or esle. You know. Teddy. The dude that just stole a car. Is about to listen to his mom.
   17. His sister. Person. Convinces him to stay home “instead of your wanna be gangster friends” or whatever.
   18. Dad died OUTTA NO WHERES! Merhaps theres some sort of American History X thing going on. But. Fuck it. Christmas. Right?
   19. Uh oh. Sister person is watching 2009. A year that was skipped before. Another year. That happened. And thn. BOOM. Santa’s real!
   20. “I saw it on Ghost Adventures!” I feel you, sister person. We’ve all been there. AMIRITe?!
   21. Found footage. Done right. It’s not taking itself seriously. And it’s awesome. Not shaky cam too much. It’s good. Good job, Netclix.
   22. Then like.
   23. Awesome. They get on the sleigh. Awesome, exciting actiony type of things happen.
   24. BRACE YOURSELFVES!
   25. FUCKING. Dude. This shit is legit. Fun and aqesome.
   26. Santa was speaking German to his reindeer and shit. Awesome. Right?
   27. Santa is Kurt Russel. And not fat. And “Ho, ho, ho” is fake news. Good job. All-round.
   28. Kurt Russel is the only one that knows how awesomely stupid this whole thing is. Or…. merhaps… stupudly awesome.
   29. Teddy and sister person are acting their yooung hearts out!
   30. EPIC! LOLZ! Cringe. I mean. Cringe happens a lot. But. Whatever. Some of the cringe here is amazing. Others. Like, “EPIC!” is dumb. HORRIBLY dumb.

       

   31. Oh Jesus. There’s an hour of this movie left. Somehow.
   32. Ugh. This sister person’s acting is terrible.
   33. Ugh. Line delivery by both Teddy an sister person. Ugh. Kill me. I’ve got an hour to go.
   34. Kurt Russel IMMEDIATELY makes it better with the “Better not shout, better not pout and ccry,” shit.
   35. Then they go to a defacto Denny’s with a bar. Place.
   36. And. Again. Kurt Russel being the only charismatic person with a hint of WTF this movie is (at this point) makes this shit all worth while. Plus. At this point hes’ got more people to bounce off of. The peoples eating dinner and shit. On Christmas Eve. Which. I mean. is a LOT of people at this decacto Denny’s with a bar. Place. Thing.
   37. Teddy decides he knows how to act for a minute there.
   38. Then Charlie. Immeditalye.
   39. Ugh. Yhis rambling’s going to be WAY too long.
   40. Santa and kiddos steal another car.
   41. The actor, Teddy person, he’s just some YouTuber, isn’t he?
   42. They’re stealing a stolen car. RUT ROH!
   43. In al honesty, this is all still seriously fun. Cringe and stuffs. But fun.
   44. Kate? Is that sister erson’s name/?
   45. Yup. Kate.
   46. lol… Yoda was mentioned so…

       

   47. WAITAMINUTE. NETCLIX JUST REFERENCED THAT ONE RACISTY RACIST CAR THAT EVER RACIST!

       

   48. Sleighbells… are you listening…

   49. oof. I just got chills. Again. Good job, Kurt.
   50. Kate and Teddy stumble upon a church. Place. Because. Jesus. And Christmas. Or whatever.
   51. And. It. Obvioulsy. Reminds them of their dad.
   52. I mean. I’m not confirming this. And it’s ramdon. Cause like. They’re sad abut dad dying fighting a fire. Like in American History X and sutffs. Kinda. But. Uh. Yeah dude. Teddy and Kates’ mom. She was Lois Lane in Superman Returns innit? Tell me I’m wrong in the comments. But you won’t. Obviously.
   53. Dude. Santa being interogate is the best introgation scene in a film since The Dark Knight. Legit. Then. I mean. Bobby Di Nero got interrogate by Ray Romano in The Irishman. So.
   54. Uh.
   55. All of the vlogs to Santa. We’ve upgrated since letters, right?
   56. And then. Ugh. Outta nowheres. Netclix has gotta drop a bombshell on us. With the elves. The. Obvious. Defecto. Minions.

       

   57. oof. Shit just gets too real. I know. I know. I just like. Ugh. Elves. But. Fucking. Teddy wrote to Santa this year. That asshole. Ugh. Kate has the charisma of a pet rock. But. Oof. This hurts. For some reason. I mean. The reason is I’ve been an emotional wreck since 2012. But. WHatever.
   58. Plus like. Cops. Christmas. And now a song and dance routine. Oofs. All round.
   59. Santa’s gathering all the criminals together and making music. Mofos. I mean. I hate… MUSIC. In entertainment like this. But fuck it. This is fun and awesome. Legit. Ruh Roh! Ladies are only there to be pretty and sing! They aren’t talented enough to play instruments! MUCH OFFENDED! MUCH CANCELLED!
   60.  A bunch or real gansters get a hold of Teddy. DUH?!
       RANDOM SIDENOTE: Hawaiian Punh FINALLY made a flavor that is DECENT enough to be mixed with liquor. Good job. Yum Yum Foods. Or whoever your parent company is! (It’s Proctor and Gamble, thanks Google Home device Nesty type of thing!)
   61. The elves, who have an obvious portal through Santa’s sack save the day of course. One or two or three Wilhelm Screams later. But. Kate convinces them that Teddy’s cool. Even though they threaten to chainsaw his balls off. The elves are disappointed that they can’t chainsaw his balls off.
   62. Is Kate a Youtuber oerson?
   63. Aww… poort Santa.

       

   64. Santa’s forreals, Dave. Stop it.
   65. Yeah. Dude. That shit’s Dutch or something. IK HOU VAN JE!
   66. Santa fucks off and makes Christmas happen. Obviously. Wih Teddy and Kate. Of course.
   67. Ugh. I hate that shit. I mean. I’m not tearing up like normal. But. Like. The whole, “BELIEVE IN YOU LIKE YOUR FATHER BELIVED IN YOU!” Bit of dialogue. And Teddy takes control and shit. Ugh. Gets to me. Has since the first time out of the 100,000 that I’e watched this movie. Ad such.
   68. But like. ll f this? This is the fun bit that the whole things’ been buldig towards. The climax. If you will. lol. Whatever. Right?
   69. Nah. DUde. All of this. Kids and Santa saving Santa wkth the minions. And stuffs. Its’ all fun as all hell.
   70. Santa savinging their own personal Christmas? Awesome as all hell.
   71. And yeah. ude. If you haven’t watched this? ESPECIALLY with your family. You should.
   72. IK HOU VAN JE!
   73. And. Christmas miracles happen. All round for the Piereces. And yeah. Their mom HAS to be Lois Lane from Superman Returns. Thanks, Santa!
   74. I think.
   75. Doggy. Doggy. What now?

Oh yeah. And. Overall? The movie gets 2 and a half jailbird songs out of 5