Dear WWE,


Look, dude,

We haven’t seen eye-tot-eye for quite some time now.

I mean. Hell. Your prodect last year drove me to the conclusion that I hate wrestling. Unless… you ,now. When itt’s good (then it’s fucking GREAT!) Sorry. I’m going far too off topic now. L:egot/ Apologies.

Dude.

You guys are killing me. WWe.

You’re legit. Making it a chore to watch your product.

You’re making it tough on the consumer.

Not in the “content” or… even, merhaps, the “quality” sense of the word.

But man.

Ya’ll are taking this “sports” sshit WAY too seriously.

You don’t NEED 50 replays throughout ONE show about the SAME god damn thing that happened earlier. You know? Hyperbole. Yes. But still man.

WTF, mate?

This past episode of SmackDown Live. Legit. Breaks down this way:

  1. Opening video intro thing of the show.
  2. Kevin Owens/Sami Zayne seg,emt/
    Inside, there’s a replay of what happened last wek between Shane McMahon/Daniel Bryan. REPLAY!
    ALSO~! insider this segment, a replay of what happened in the Kevin Owens/ Randy Orton match. REPLAY!
    Owens/Zayne segment comences. Finally.
    Shane McMahon/Orton things happen within the segment.
  3. Commercial. Probably something to do with Total Divas.
  4. SmackDown returns. With YET ANOTHER reminder that John Cena’s on NBC shows this week, as seen on Raw. REPLAY!~
  5. A MOMENTS AGO~! segment. Replaying. You know.; WHAT JUST HAPPENED on the show. Orton giving an RKO to Owens. Shane McMahon setting up the main event of the show. You know. Things we JUST SAW. REPLAY!~
  6. Another Owens/Zayne segment. This is fine. You know. They’re now backstage. Reacting to what just happened.
  7. Russev/Singing dude. Segment leading into their match. Thing. Against New Day. This match lasts past two commercial breaks. Rusec/Singing dude eventually beat Nerw Day after all that.
  8. Replay of Mojo Riley turjning on Zack Rider. You know. From last week. REPLAY!
  9. Mohjo Riley interview.
  10. REMINDER~! THE MAIN EVENT! YOU KNOW! THE THING THAT’S BEEN HYPED TWICE ALREADY!
  11. Commercial.
  12. SmackDown Live returns with a “sponsered by” segment. Followed by a hype of the pay per view.
  13. Daniel Bryan vs. Divsa segment thing happens.
  14. And. I mean. I’d go into details. But like. Absolute. Riot Squad. Off topid. But MAN. MAN. MAN.

    One of these. Obviously.
  15. Boobby Roode/boring cunt segment.
    Oh. Then they throw Ziggler into this mess.
  16. Hype for another “Bludgeoun Brothers” match.
  17. Commercial.
  18. Rowan/Harper squash jobbers. Obviously.
    REPLAYS OF A SQUASH MATCH~! REPLAY~!
  19. Same bit of Charolette being a part of The Psyche Movie. As seen on Raw. REPLAY~!
  20. Kevin Owens/Sami Zayne segmient. Again.
  21. Hype for upcoming Roode/Corbin Match.
  22. Roode/Corbin Match.
  23. Divas thing. Happens.
  24. More hype for the payperview and main event tonight. And hype for a REPLAY~!
  25. MGK is a person. He’s going to happen on Tribute to the Troops. You know. Something already talked about on Raw. REPLAY~!
  26. HYPENESS~! AJ STYLES VS. MAHAL. NO I DON’T CARE! REPLAY~!
  27. Charolette vs. Tamina. Things.
  28. Commercial.
  29. Charolette wins. Riot Squad… again…
    One of these. Without going into specifics.

    But. DIVA~! BRAWL~! THINGS~!
    most likely there’s probably a REPLAY~! in there too.

  30. Owens/Zayne/Bryan segment. Thing.
  31. Commercial.
  32. Zayner/Orton match begins. Ish. With arguemtns. Or whatever.
  33. Owens gets handcuffed.
    UH OH~! HYPENESS FOR PAYPERVIEW~! REPLAY~!
  34. WQorse than that. They rundown the PPC card.

    One of these.
  35. Orton entrance.
  36. COMMERCIAL!~
  37. Orton/Zayne match happens. With a commercial in between. Things. Words. From this point on it’s fine.

Off the top of my drunken head. TWELVE~! REPLAYS~! Within two hours of your show.

WWE, peoples. Forreals, dude.

You all are banking MORE AND MORE on the “WWE Network” being a succes, right? The WWE network is the WWE equivalent to Netflix, Hulu, whatever. Such. Right?

You’re BANKING on the success of this thing, yes?

Why are you NOT making your shows more binge-watch friendly? Right?

You OPENLY ADMIT in your public shareholder meetings that television ratings mean virtually nothing to you. Because. DUN DUN DUNN you’re banking on the WWE Netowkr.

So.

You know.

Quit making your shows FILLED WITH REPLAYS~! OMG~! MOMENTS AGO~! Things.

And make them FAR more serialized. Right?

Forreals man. This REPLAY~! Shit is ridiculous.

Signed,
Your humble drunkard from afar.

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Ryan

I’m pretty awesome. I write drunken ramblings. Lover of gaming. Engaged in an on-again-off-again relationship with pro-wrestling. And I am your resident Batman expert.

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