I’m All in for Justice League (SPOILER REVIEW)

So. I haven’t had a drink. Yet. But I’ll begin to do so momentarily. But man. Before anything else, I’ve got to talk Justice League. Get all of these spoiler-y goodness out of my system. So. It’s been a while, but it’s gonna be one of those types of ramblings. Where, the more I write, the more typos will be frequent. All laughs. Much hilarity and such.


I’m all in.

NON-SPOILERS:

Justice League is. In a word: Fntasic. Hell. It is awesome.

Think of a complaint that ALL of the critics have thrown around about the DCEU movies.

Lo, it’s so dark!

Lo, there’s no heroism happening! (I’ll explain this one in a bit in the spoiler section)

Lo, none of the heroes take joy in what they do!

Lo, the villain’s just trying to stereotypically destroy the world!

Lo, “Martha!”

Whatever the criticism. Name it. Justice League doesn’t do those things. Minus that villain bit. But still. Everything rlsde. Jusrice League doesn’t do it.

Hell.

I’d say Justice League painstakenly doesn’t do those things. The movie goes out of its way to NOT do those things that that almost becomes a problem. Almost.

Shit man. Justice League‘s polot makes a HELL oh a lot more sense than Avengers’. I guaran-damn0tee it. Vince McMahon style.

No. It’s not a “OH~! I BATMANSTURBATE~! AND HATE MARVEL~!” Thing. It’s not. Avengers‘ plot. SUCKED. The thing that rallied them all together was the, now apparent, “death” of… what’s his face that directed Chuck Palahniuk’s Choke movie. A character that most of the Avengers hated. He died. THEN they all united. Like. OK?

That isn’t to say Justice League‘s plot is AMAZING~! It isn’t. It has it’s faults. Obviously. And there’s DEFINITELY been a HELL of a lot chopped out of it, leaving more to be wanted. Totally. I’m sure there’s a Director’s Cut coming that’s three hours long or so. And I’d LOVE to see it.

But still.

The world’s going to end. Because. Steppenwolf. All the heroes recognize it. And. Although they don’t agree on everything, they know they need to younite to defeat him. Cut and dry. Boom.

Mist alk if tge jokes are great. Literally, there was only one, and for the life of me I can’t think of it, that didn’t land. LKike. There was a pause in the movie so you could get over the laughts of the crowd. But. THat pause was uncomfortable because. You know. The whole theater wasn’t laughing.

Uh… any other non spoiler-y things I can think of?

Batfleck. Kinda was bland. KINDA. This is another big criticism of the critics. Batfleck’s. Kinda. Just. There. He’s not the general (that Batman IS [you know, because I’m a BNatman expert. Challenge me in the comments]). He holds his own against their extraterrestrail gods. Yes. But. I mean. He’s just there and “rich” like the joke from… one of the trailers says. And that’s it. The position of “general” was given to Wonder Woman. Which. You know. MUCH PROGESSION! SUCH FEMINISM! But. Whatever. I’m not saying it’s right or wrong. I’m just saying… you know… the mortal, Bruce Wayne, Batman… what he’s ALWAYS brought to the table as a member of the Justice League is the role of strateist. You know? But no. Boom. Wonder Woman. Because. You know. DO YOU KNOW WHAT YEAR WE LIVE IN?! Such political correctness. Much… yeah it’s cool-ness.

Onew final. Non spoiler-y thing.

Critics are allso bitching about how Cyborg being the “heart” oif the Justice League is forced on the audience or whatever.

Which.

Is just like.

One of these.

Obviously.

Cyborb is done DAMN NEAR perfectly. His origins are EXTREMELY dark. Hell, his bit in the… you know… computer file of superhero symblos in Batman v Superman was… EASILY the “scariest.” But it’s all pretty much glossed over. And what you’re left with is a hero whom without, Steppenwolf would’ve destroyed the world. He’s BY FAR one of the greatest points of the movie. Not just as far as the general plot is concerned. His bits affect everyone. Awesomely. Come off it, critics. PLUS. “BOO YA!” Teen. Titnat.s Go!

Flash. I mean. If you’ve seen the trailers, you’d know he was the MAIN “comic relief” of the movie. So. That’s pretty much all he does. But it’s executed perfectly. Honestly. Unless, it was one of his jokes that was the one to fall completely flat. Then. No it wouldn’t have been dne perfectly perse. But I’m pretty sure it wasn’t his.

Alright man. I’ve gotta get into spoilers before I essplode.

SPOILERS. Forreals. Don’t read anymore unless you don’t care about them.

The end credits scene.

Oh.

My.

Jesus.

Did this make the inner child in me explode in joy.

Sure. In my MUCH earlier years, I was brought up on Batman: The Animated Series. And Hovet. I hope I’m in your will to receive that tie that you own. I’m just saying, dude. Love you, man.

Later in life. You know. When my family could adfford cable and whatnot. I watched the reruns of Superfriends that would play on Cartoon Network. Over and Over. PLUS. Super Powers Team! And shiit. Oh my jesus. Are those awesome.

In fact.

At the VERY minisecond the end credits scene concluded. I said, aoud, those very words. “Oh. My. Jesus.”

Because. Dude.

DC. Legit.

Did it perfectly.

They executed their next set of films expertly.

Jessie Eisenberg’s Lex Luthor (with a MUCH less Jim Carrey Riddler sense about him) escaped from prison. Joe Manganiello’s Deathstroke meets him on a yaht. Luthor tells Deathstroke… and I’m paraphrasing…

“It seems those against us are creating a legue. Shouldn’t we create a legion of our own?

IT’S STILL REAL TO ME, DAMN IT!

And. Just. Boom/. Legion of Doom. Secret Society of Supervillions. Whatever you want to cal them. Just. Amainzngness. Personified. In live action. Boom. Period. The end. GTFO. AMAZING.

I’nd sirry, But man. This made my inner child come out iun the MOST AMAZING way. this. “Legion of Doom” interlude. Joe Manganiello. Person. Played Deathstroke so well… I… TRULY had no idea that it was him. Even though… you know… I read reports AT LEAST a year ago that he’s going to be playing the character. Merhaps it had to do with the makup. Merhaps it had to do with the… I don’t know fice seconds of screen time. But man. was still asking my phone, “OK, google, who played Deathstroke in Justice Leauer?!” And Good was like, “OK, here’s some random websites, things.” GOOGGLE DIDN”T HAVE AN ANSWER, DUDE. That’s how awesome Joe Manganieloioy was.

(Hyperole. Yes. But still.)

Superman.

Superman plays a big role in the move. Merhaps. It’s MUCh bigger a role tan was inteded by Zac Sbyder. And such. Maybe. I dunno. Eiether way dude. Like. The role that Superman plays… WELL BNEYOND the.. obviously. You know. “OH NOEZ~! THE JUSTICE LEAGUE CAN’T HANDLE THEMSELVES SOME STEPPENWOLVES`1 OH NO WE NEED A HEROEY PERSON TO SAVE HUMANITY~!”:

WELL boyond that.

The damn fight. With Flash.

When Superman is resurrected.

It’s the stuffs of a comic-ty super hero-y nerd’s wet dream come to life on the silver screen man.

That moment. In the movie. When Flash, Auqua man, Wonder Woman and Cyborg go an fight the resurrected Superman? That moment. When Superman noticed Flash, out of the corner of his eye, tryin to be all fast and shit?

That’s the stuffs that a nerd’s wert dream is made of. :egit.

Legitimately.

I COULD NOT think ofd a btter way for Flash to “suddenly” meet Superman. MERGHAPYS. Again. MERHAPS. There’s been a story in which these two meet. And MERHAPS it’s done better. But. Forreals man. I’ve never seen/read it. Nor do I even want to bnow.

Just, Man. The fithrt that happens. Between them. The glance that Kal-El makes. Just. Perfection. Dude.

But then. You know.

The internet gets a hold ofg something.

And.

You know.

This is. Apparently. The worst thing to ever happen to cinema. According to Rain Man-esque critics that spotted it.

OH NO~! FACIAL ANNIMATION HT THE UNCANNY VALLEY. APPARENTLY~! SOME HOW~!

We just. Can’t have nice things dude.

OK. mrhaps there’s problems here. hell. I’vv even submit there’s DEFINITELY problems here. Like. Henry Cavill’s mustache probably isn’t covered up to completion. Right? But like. That still frame? In a scene of the movie?Where he’s you know, telling Batman, about to fucking kill him, “Tell me, do you bleed?” all arrogant and… “Fuck you you peasant, Bruce,”kinda way.

THAT’S uncanny?

Come off it. Critics. Pull the Rain Man out of your ass. And stop it.

One of these.

I was the first to admit there were CGI problems by the looks of things. Hell even during the movie the scene in particular didn’t look right.

ALL of these CGI’S are MUCH worse than anything involving Superman. AND I CALLED IT OUT. WAY beforehand.

Man.

one of THE biggest criticisms of this DCEU is that there’s no heroism ivolved. Superman destorys half of Metropolis whilst fighting Zon~@! and all that in Man of Steel. “HE LETS THE CITY CRUMBLE AND DOESN’T SAVE ANYBODY~!” All of that.

Justice League, dmn near painstakingly makes a point to correct all of that. Superman doesn’t just save people. he motherfucking saves an appartment filled with people. And it’s execiuted. Perfect;y. Frreals, dude.

Legitimately.

From a “hoollywood elite” critic type of lame person. The ONLY thing I could see to complain about is Steppenwolf being the stereotypical “END OF ZE WORLD~!” type of villain. Even then. He’s given some AMAZING scenes. Be it the AWESOME Amazon fight. Or. The fantastical undersea Atlantian siege. His motives are stereotypical. But it’s still exectuted fantasically.

Up until he’s defeated. Cause. Legit. That didn’t make any sense.

Superman and Wonderwoman destroy his ave. Then the Parademons attack him and suddenly. Boom. All’s well? Yeah. OK.That part of the plot obviously made no sense. But still. Undewr the confides. Superman using is freeze breath for the first time on film (in this DCEU) Wonder Woman destroying the froxen acxe afterwards. Stuffs things words.

The defeation doesn’t make sense. Fine. OK. You got me.

Other than that? You’ve got yourself a pretty fantastical movie.

Unless.

You know.

You want to be Rain Man and get butt hurt over a single shot of a scene.

MUSTACH~!

Seriously. If you’re THIS big of a douche. GTFO. Check TFO. And kill yourself. Basically. You know. If… THIS ruined the movie for you.
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Ryan

I’m pretty awesome. I write drunken ramblings. Lover of gaming. Engaged in an on-again-off-again relationship with pro-wrestling. And I am your resident Batman expert.

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