Into the Spider Versus Disney

Around two weeks ago, SONY dropped a bombshell on the world by announcing they wouldbe removing Spider-man from the gigantic MCU. And. Now. Like. Everyone’s pissed off. Because. Marvel did SUCH amazing thingswith Spider-Man. Apparently. I mean, the forced Iron Man/Spider-Man relationship didn’t do anything for me. But whatever.

The internet’s blowing up betcause SONY is an asshole.

Let’s remind everyone. Before Marvel smartened up, SONY bought the Spider-Man movie rights 20ish years ago. SONY owns Spider-Man-On-Film. SONY allowed Disney to borrorw Spider-Man to make Cilvil War andbeyond. DISNEY wanted him. SONY was goig full gear. With their Spider-Man universe. Sinister Six et al. Disney was like, “Hey dude, can we borrow Spider0man for a bit?” SONY responded, “Yeah, sure, I guess.”

GRANTED. The AMazing SPider-man movies that were the apparent backbone of the universe, sucked. A lot. You didn’t like them. I didn’t like them. The end, right?

Since then, SONY’s made a LITERALL Spider-amn universe movie that was BEYOND fantastic. According to critics and fans.

Right?

B-b-b-but! S-s-s-SOnY only made a good Spider-MMan movie after Disney created Tom Hollad as Spider-man!

Dude.

GTFO.

One of these. Obviously.

Dude. The Marvell movies? With Spider-Man? From Civil War, onward? Like I said, the Iron Man relationship was TOTALLY forced. It was as forced fed to you as Roman Reigns in 2015. Yet. For some reason. Everyone ate it up. Apparently. And I mean. For me, personally? I HATE that they went SO gOD DAMN YOUNG with Spider-aman. Forreals. I know. I know. I know. That’s classic Spider-man comic origins and shit. And we’ve never, really had it in the movies up until Tom Holland’s turn in th role. But still dude. I hate it.

Merhaps.

Because.


This. This is why I love Spider-Man. And Spidey’s now wheres NEAR high school in this animated series. Right?

So when I get this, baically pre-pubescant, HIGH SCHOOLIER~!, Tom Holland as my SpiderMAN… I’m like, No dude GTFO.

And I mean. For wahatever reason, Disdney decided to make Tony and Peter a thing. When the obvious, REAL relationship shoulvd’e been with Steve, right? THat wouold’ve been the FAR more relatable and real, NOT forced down your throat, relationships. You know? But. OH NOESZ“1 Thanos “killeded” (because… forreals… EVERYONE KNEW that basically everyone dead in Infinity War was ging to come back, right? If you didn’t you are a fucking moron) himself some Spidey’s in Iron Man’s arms and all that. And whatever. And ugh. Fuck off.

But guys.

Especially all of you that hate corporations and such. You know. Because capitalism sucks. FEEL THE BERN! Or.. uh… FEEL THE PEYOTE! Or whatever. Cause. Fuck Capitalism. Fuck monopolic corporations.

Right? And… HI, GOOGLE! Just… for reasoning’s sake.

So. A couple of weeks ago, Disney execs approach SONY execs. And Disney’s lke, “bitgch you’ve gotta relinquish more money to us. Or else, no more MCU for you!” And SONY responds with an emphatic, “No dude. GTFO.”

ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE!

Fuck the SONY corporation! FUCK THE sonY OVERLORDS! We hate us some SONY!

Guys. Forreals. Pass the Peyote. Please. I’d LOBVE to live in this double standard world you do. Please. Give it to me.

So. Dude.

No. Fuck Disney. Break their backs. Make them humble. Good on you, SONY. Make a SPIDER-MAN movie. Not some dumb bullshit that ABOSULTelY needs “THE HULK~!” attached to it… for… some reason. Make a SPIDER-MAN movie. FFS. Make that… random, weird, TOm Harvy Venom spin-off thing (that I haven’t seen and probably bnever will) have that wierd Venom person kill himself some Spider-Mans. Right? YOU OWN SPIDER-MAN. MAKE AN AWESOME SPIDER-VERSE.

Without the Into the Spider-Verseness of it all. Kinda.

Don’t get me wrong, I liked Spider-Man: Into the Spider-verse. I truly, really did. But like. Come on, guys, THe Killing Joke was JUST as awesome as that movie. Hell, Batman: Hush is just as good too. Come off it.

TL;DR? SONY is a godlike bad ass for standing up to Disney. Disney. The douche bags that are ruining your Netclix subscription. Disney. Thagt’s spewing out dumb, worthless “WOW`1 YOU KNOW THAT ANIMIATED OVIE YOU LOVE?! HERE’S THAT MOVIE… AGAIN! IN LIVE ACTION THIS TIME! WE’RE NOT BANKRUPT OF IDEAS. LOLZ.” That Disney. Disney NEEDS Spider-Man FAR more than SONY needs Disney. Whether or not Tom Holland is involved from here on out? He can shove his high-pitched voice up his ass. I don’t care. GTFO.

One of these. For good measure.

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