MAKE THE INTERNET NEUTRAL!

REMINDER: I’M NOT FIXING ANY TYPOS BECAUSE I’M DRUNK AND IT WILL MAKE THIS RAMBLING MORE SILLY AND INSTRESTING

A couple of weeks ago, The Federal Comunications Commission decided something so fucking amazing. It’s something that’s been ABSOLUtely needed. More than shelter. Moere than oxygen. What the FXX decided to do on February 26th was the most important thing to human development since Monotheism? Maybe?

The FCC decided, ALL THREE MEMEERS that made the deciding vote, to make the internet neutral!

YOU GO GUYS!

HAPPY DAYS ARE HERE AGAIN!

CELABRATE GOOD TIME COME ON!

I’M DOING MY HAPPY DANCE! IM DOING MY HAPPY DANCE! I’M DOINGMY HAPPY DANCE!

I mean… just watch the great things that Net Neutrality is going to do! Listen to a YouTuber that asled the President stuffs and things… listen to what he says about Net Neutrality!

YOU GET THAT EVIL, VILE DISGUSTING INTERNET SERVICE PROVIDER, HANK! YOU GETTTEMMMMMM!

Sigh.

And now. I destroy this idiot.

  1. No. An ISP is not a law enforcement agency. However, if a member of their clientel happens to be breaking the law under their watch. And. You know. They KNOW about it… I’m pretty positibe they’d bne considered an accomplice to the crime. You know. Legally. But hey! Technicallities! RIGHT?!
  2. The. Netflix. thing. EVERYONE that supports “net neitrality” IMMEDIATLEY goes to the argument of what Comxast did to Netflix. Now. I’m no where NEAR a Comcast defender. I mean. hell. These assholes OWN NBC… whic is… pretty much… the propogandist arms of the President’s administration. And. Obviouslyt Theyir service is shit. But… I mean… In the GERAND SCHEME OF THEINGS… Netflix is ONE website that uses over ONE-THIRD ofALLLLLL internet usage. Through ALLLLLLL ISP.’s…. an d eVERTHIGN. Netflix… takes upf 1/3 of all internet usage in America. ONE company. Albeit. one, lame (PERHAPS) evil company sued Netflix, kinda, sorta. ONE out of the NEAR THOUSANDS of ISP’s available in America. ONE had this netflix dispute. While Comcast had started to slow down its devlier of Netflixto is t cosumers. Netflix agreed to pay a “fine>” and their speeds OVER doubled afgter the FREE-FUCKING-MARKEY dispute.
    BOTTOM LINE: This “Netflix” shit that Net Neutrality supporters ALWAYS point to is just… dumb. Shut up. Period.
    FRTEE MARKET OF IDEAS~!
  3. Slowings someone else down to make Netflix faters? Uh…? I’ll use a term logical to Youtuve users. “Is this real life?”
  4. Mr. Hank says, “What creates great economies… it’s not profit… it’s competitiion!” Which… you know. Is pretty much true, for the most part. But like. How in the cunt is Netflix… you know… a STREAMING SERVICE… how are they competition to an INTERNET SERVICE PROFIDER?! Sriously. This shit is stupid beyond all recognition.
  5. Spo/.. let’s take “ISP HANK” seriously for a second when he says:
    “We want to charge stomers for access to content and charge content companies to access to the customers! WE GET PAID TWICE~! ITS GREAT FOR USE~!”
    And… I’m sighing like, “normal hanks” is.
    IF… again… IF… there was ONE ISP… “mainstream” or otherwise that wanted to do these things… they’d be out of business within the year. NO customer would put up wiht that bullshit. They wouldn’t be getting ANY money. And boom. Problem solved. But…. let’s delve into stupidity again.
  6. “Normal Hank’s” argument is something like…
    “The interet is NOT your business model! The internet is a MASSIVE technicological and cultural FORCE FOR GOOD! That EVERYONE SHOULD HAVE EQUAL ACCESS TO~!!!~!”
    Amd/// iuh…. quickyly.. Dare I say… no? I mean, in the “social justice” sense of the phrase… sure. Everyone SHOULD have access to it. But… Social Justice is a cmpletely evil thought. In the grand scheme of things. And… welll… that’s a rambling for another time. You know. Social Justice.
    BUT… No. Everyone SHOULD NOT have equal access to the internet. This is just PURE common sense. I’ll revert back to my srcasm argument that opened this rambling. THE FUCKING INTERNET… is not oxygen. It IS NOT food. It IS NOT shelter. It IS NOT something that is REQUIRED in order to live.
    The internet… iot is awesome. Don’t get me wrong. And it saddens me that not everyone in the world has as an open and awesome internet that Americans do.
    But.
    It’s NOT A FUCKING RIGHT. It’s a privelage. It’s a privbalege that wqe, in the Western world, have grown accustomed to. It’s not ANYWHERE NEAR as essential to , say, haing an opinion that is unpopular (a first amendment right).
    The Internet is awesome. And EVERYONE in the wourld should have access available to them. But it’s NOT something that HAS to be provieded to EVEERYONE EVER~! JUST CAUSE~!
  7. And. Damn it. “Hank” continues from there… Like. Seriously.
  8. “Hank” KILLS himself just now. Or… you know. His arguemtn.
    “And your place as a middle man doesn’t bequuefie you magical pweris to extract value at every turn! YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO DECIDE WHAT INFORMATION GOES AT WHAT SPEED THROUGH YOUR PIPES!”
    And. Mr. Hank. Person. Whom I couldn’t care less about… other than you were the, essential, smartest person with down syndrome to be a;l;owed to interview the President in his nonsensical Youtube//.. interview… thing… that happened/
    Mr. Hank. Person. You RTOTALLY DESTREYONED YOUR OWN ARGUMENMT IN THAT ONE FUCKIGN SENTENCE/
    IF… I had the infrustructor available to me. And I had installed pipes in a town and shit. And I you know… “OWNED” internet access… you’re DAMN FUCKING RIGHT… I have THE power to turn it off. Because why? I… FUCKING… PAID… FOR… ALL… OF… IT. In this scenario. I invested in laying pipes, cables, things. All of it.In order to bring internet to wherever. Given that we live in a free market society, I would be in control of what is used UNDEER MY pipes, cables, etc. THIS IS ALLL COMMON FUCKING SESNSE. Stop it.
  9. And… just. This guy is moronic. Period. Free markets are the answer. Not lobyistys. Not people ANY president appoints to the FXX. NOTHING. Thisd is just. BULL SHIRT> AND>>> Everyon’s boughten into the nonsense. Whatever.

I’d like to come bakch ere and say… “Mr. Hanlk” had redeemed himself but…

This idiot STILL believes that the FCC ordeal is a “victory”for Net Neutrality. Like. just. Stopi t.

I bet that IF Ted Cruz were to, you knw… SUDDENLY?~! become president… He’d be speeaking a HUGELY different tune. Because… I don’t know if you know this ut… PRESIDENTS are what controls the FCC. PRESIDENTS appoint THREE people to the FXC.

Thank you, Mr. Goodman. Kinda.

And. Pretty much. Nolw that the FXXC controlls the internet. ANY President can now control the internet.

So like. When a HARDCORE anti-porn president is in offce. he can appoint hree pepople to the FXC. And… Those three people will be like… “HEY. WE HATE US SOME PORN~! SO LET’S HAVE US AN FCC VOTE ABOUT INTERNET PORN RIGHT NOWZ~!”

And…

Pretty much.

All of you (I use this direct quote here on purpose) “useful idiots” that support Net Neutrality WON~! WHOOOOOOOOOOOO~!

NATURE BOY STYLE~!

AND PROFILE!~

Seriously.

How dumb can a populace be?

Here’s to a Ted Cruz presidentcy in which ALL internet porn becomes ILLEGAL~! CAUSE~! FCC RULES BITCH~!

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Ryan

I’m pretty awesome. I write drunken ramblings. Lover of gaming. Engaged in an on-again-off-again relationship with pro-wrestling. And I am your resident Batman expert.

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