*MY* Mass Effect: Andromeda Spoilers

Pretty much, like, as soon as I found out that Mass Effect: Andromeda was officioually going to be released on Mrch 21, 2017. I immediately reordered the the deluxe edition at GameStop. Hate me. Slay me. I know, everyone hates preorders. And like. Season passes (that one I don’t understand… like… at all… but whatever). But I don’t care.

I, legitimately, don’t think that I’ve been this excited for the release of a video game since WWF No Mercy in like 1999-2000. MAYBE you could make the case for Grand Theft Auto IC. But I’d highly doubt this.

I may be a Johnny-com-lately to the series. Hell. It wasnt until somewheres in 2014 when I played all three Mass Effect games. But damn it. I really can’t complain. Maybe a minor, dumb me, kinda complain. That I’ll make in a bit here. But. No.

I absolutely LOVE Mass Effect. Period.

And this rambling? Basically. Since. The story’s PRETTY much ALL up in the air. I’ll take a stab at it. You know. Given the things that are known, plus my own thoughts and twists. WHILST taking a stab at everything that’s going to be happening in the gamer. Like. What are some of the things you, the pathfinder, will do. Stuffs and things like that.

Because.

Spoilers.

But not. At al.. really.

here we go?

  1. Cut scenes happen. Papa Ryder will be all like, “OMG KIDS!~!” Saying things. And you’ll cut to the character creation. Once that’s done, Papa Ryder will be saying more things. And then like. POOF. Shot off into Space. Andromeda bound. Because. REAPERS ARE JUST ABOUT HERE! Obviously.
  2. Maybe here. We’ll have a bit of an “opening credits.” Cutscene happens. But tyhis time. It actually makes sense. You know? The cutscene’s there because you’re fucking traveling from the Milky Way to Andromeda. CAN YOU GIVE IT A SECOND? And all that.
  3. Then the contller sarts vigrating. Uh uoh. Ther’s a problem. Indaving. Because. Aliena. W’ERE THE ALIENS HERE?! DUN DUN DUNNN
  4. Papa rynder get killeded. He dies. Hardcore. In your face. Like. Right in front of your face. And you’re not at alll a pathfinder you cunt. You’re such an asshole. That even Avina’s like, “Dude, you’re not the pathfinder.” But you’re like. “Hey. Shut upo. I’m Ryder notw.”
  5. And boom. Video game ensues. Right?
  6. So. Basically. What happens is. Your ship gets delayed. On the tarmack.
  7. And during that delay. It’s been. Basically. 100 years or so. In Andromeda years. Or whatever. Time/space continuums aren’t really explainged . Amd/ Wow. You find yourself on this “Andromeda alien” settlement thing . Where there’s some people already in control that are like, “You were a part of the Ryder group?! Really?! Next you’re going to tell me your the king/quenn of Canada~!” And shit.
  8. So boom. Drama ensus.
  9. And then like.
  10. Basically.
  11. You liveon some sortof spacial place. But basically. You’re building up to controlling ALL of Andromeda. You’re creating “seetlments.” And such. Akin to Dragon Age: Inquisition and what not.
  12. One two skip a few.
  13. And boom.
  14. The baddies. That killeded your father appear again. And you’re all ike, “Dude. No. My name ia Renee Mantoya. You Killeded my father and shit.” And so shit starts to spiral out of control.
  15. Because the established settlements have already gained favor with these non0alien Andromeda alien cunts. They’re already in the pocket. TRUMP~! STYLE~! Or something. Basically.
  16. And. Like. One. Two. sliep a few.
  17. And you wind up wanting to kill that horned Andromeda asshole. Most likely he killeded. Dead. One of your squadmates. And probably Papa Ryder.
  18. But like. Boom. MORE DRAMA HAPPENS~!
  19. And you’rew somehow Mass Effect’d off into another part of Andromeda. Randomly. Basically. Because. Drama~!@ AND STORY~!
  20. And basically. You’re searching for clues. You’re trying to find out who killeded your father. Dead. Hardcore. But at the same time. THIS isn’t the main plotline. Because BioWare awesomened itself again.
  21. Anf basically.
  22. It comes down to.
  23. Liarra appears. Some how. Some way. Maybe she physically appears. Moew rhan likwlt. The game ends with a cut scene. And it’s Liarra sending a message. From the Milky Way.
  24. Boom.
  25. And. Numver 25.
© BioWare/EA

Look man. I did my best.

I’m totally looking forward to this game. It’s GOING to be awesome. Amazingess WILL happen. THe end.

Period.

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Ryan

I’m pretty awesome. I write drunken ramblings. Lover of gaming. Engaged in an on-again-off-again relationship with pro-wrestling. And I am your resident Batman expert.

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