The Church of Climatology

HOW DARE YOU?!

Dude. I’m so sick of this shit. I’m really god damned tired of it. Forreals.

Just. For starters, right?

Let’s do this real quick.

Al Gore.

You know. Before Matt Stone and Trey Parker lived in California for WAY too long. Right?

Al Gore’s sequel, rto, An Inconvenient Truth, what was it, even? An Inconvenient Sequel? I don’t know. Yes. Did the quick research cuade of what’s coming up. YEs. That was the titleof the sequel. With a subtitle. “Truth to Power.” Whcih. Just. GTFO. Right?

YOU arte the ones arguing that there’s 99.99999999% scientific concensus that man0made climate change is real. How the fuck are you speaking “truth to power?” Because DOnal’d Trump is president? GTFO. Being skepitcal of man-made climate change IS speaking truth to power. You dumb fucks.

Be that as it may.


Within the first 10 seconds of the ACTUAL trailer portion (not the Trump clip), Al Gore BALD FACED LIES TO YOU DUMB ASSES. But. Hey. 99.99999999% concensus?! Right?

Those first 10 seconds. Gore goes over how in An Invoncenitne Truth, he said that the World Trade Center Memorial would be flooded. Due to the comig ice age/globalwarming/climate change/climate chaos/climate catastrophe/How Dare You/etc. BUT. In An Inconvient Truth the “most controversial scene.” Is ALL. ENTIRELY. ON ABOUT. THE WATERS PERMANANTLY FLOODINg the WTFC memorial.

He wasn’t on about “lol, dude. there’s gonna be a bad storm that fucks shit up a bit for a while.”

He was speaking. SPECIFICALLY. About permanent flooding of New York and the entire eastern seaboard.

In this trailer of Inconvenient Sequel the mother fucker has the balls to use superstorm Sandy as ABOSLUTE PROOF~! that he was right.

Just.

Dude.

Obviously.

But hey.

greta happened.

And how dare all of us? Right?

Dude.

FFS.

Good fucking God man. I can’t stand listening to her. Not because “OH NO, I HAGTE HER OPINIONS.” But. Forreals dude. I feel her pain. I can’t stand it. She’s been propoganized to her whole life. What other choice does she have, right? But to feel this pain that, there’s no solutions in sight. There’s no way to fix the problems. And if there were, the people in power aren’t listening or whatever. Right?

Dude. I TOTALLY feel that pain.

Legit. I feel the pain in her voice. FEEL it.

Because dude. The same damn thing happened to me. Only under a different church.

Church?

Yes.

This Greta person. As well as. You know. The protests that happened in Washington (dude, just the first 15 seconds of that clip… because Youtube is dumb and… I couldn’t find the actual clip so) this pats week. Dude. I TOTALLY feel their pain man. I really, truly do.

Forgive me, Mr. Former Vice President for I have sinned.

Dude.

I tried to say this the other day. Just. You know. A random facebook status thing that no one cared about. But. Forreals.

Let’s say.

Hypothetically. Greta. Was speaking in front of world powers. and whoevers. Right.

But instead of inserting climate change hysteria. She was upset about the upcoming, undoubted return of Jesus. Because. Book of Revelations. End times. 666. Mark of the beast. Scariness.

Instead of the “how dare you,” that we all heard. Her speech was more along the lines of:

The signs are out there! How dare you move us closer and closer towards the end times?! Don’t you see? We’re heading closer and closer to a one world government! We’re heading closer and closer to uncontrollable, one world currency! How dare you?! Jesus is coming back! Ever knee shall bow! Every tongue will confess! How dare you?!

Ya’ll would say she had endured child abuse. Undoubtedly admit. She’s been exposed to something that’s a bit extreme. Something has been preached to her beyond belief that it’s now embedded deep within her. Right? Ya’ll would be up in arms (not literally because. YOu know. You want to ban arms). But you’d be so upset. Becaue this, legally defined, child, is scaed, litterally to death, about something that “isn’t real.”

99.999999% of concensus! STUF. Ddue. Science by definition NEVER has consensus. Science. Is the practice of theories. There has never. Nr will there ever be consensus on ANYTHING scientific.

Gravity.

Fucking gravity. Is still a theory.

By definition of science. Ya’ll that totally shut down the argument of “climate deniers” are. The Roman Catholoci church. Shutting down Gallileo. How is this not clear and obvious? Like a botched “pass interference” challenge.

Just stop it dude.

NO ONE. My self included. Fucking, Monsanto. Or whatever is the evil, polluting corporation of the day, Koch Industries, BP, WHO THE FUCK EVER. No one wants to pollute. No one is thinking like, “Hmm… I wonder what would be a good way to hurt the environment today?” The PR and legal battles alone would cost hundred s of millions, if not billions of dollars.

Just. FFS. Dude.

Be real. And think. Quit being propogandized to. RIght?


“The planet has been here four and a half billion years. We’ve been here, what? 100,000? Maybe 200,000? And we’ve only been engaged in heavy industry for a little over 200 years. 200 years versus four and a half billion. And we have the conceit to think that somehow we’re a threat?”

And. Hey.

I’ll leave you with one more youtube clip. Thing. To ponder over.

Even though. You know.

You tuned out. Like. 400 words ago.


You stupid science bitch.

Preach, brothers Carlin and MacDonald!

All hail science and mother earth!

.9 degree temerature rise in 100 years ends the world! We’re all dead.

R.I.P.

HOW DARE YOU?E!

But really dude. Let’s be real.

This is all that matters. Right?

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