The Drunken Watching of… The Room

Oh.

How very original of me.

I’m discussing The Room. Not only tsat. But I’m doing a WHOLE “watching of…” rambling for it! My goodness! Shocker! Thinfgs!

Because…

What dp uypi klmpw? The Disaster Artist is a recent thing! Wow!

In all seriously though, The Disaster Artist looks fantastic. I  want to see it as soon as I can. Things. Words.

And also. In all seriously, I’ve never ever watched The Room before. Hell man, I’ve never intentionally watched a bad movie before. Minus, like… you now.. some involving Batman, I suppose. But still. I’m actually kinda nervous.

We’ll see how it goes, right?

1. 1. “The Room” done up in Impact font. Nice. Bill would be proud. Something like that. That sounds bad. Shit.
   2. This music. It’s cheesy, sure. But it orobably fits. Right?
   3. Things to say about San Dransisco.
   4. Man. This studio dialogue recordings are killing me already.
   5. I mean. So far, this is a Skinemax movie. but like. No nudity? Yet?
   6. Alright. There it is. Some boobs happening. Skinemax.
   7. Nopes. Worse than Skinemax. Skinemax at least tries.
      RANDOM SIDENOTE: Safety tip: Sex + rpse pedals = disater for the most part.
   8. tHE FUCK? All of a sudden Lisa doesn’rt love him? And he’s boring. After all that.

      

   9. So far. “Lisa,” or… you know… the actress is actually alright. She’s actually fiving a shit.
   10. So. Wait. She just called mark, “baby,” on the phone. Yet Mark’s clueless about their affair? This is Mark, innit?

       

   11. Skin-to-the-max, dude.
   12. No man. Calling this Skinemax ios an insult to Skinemax. This is a softcore porn you could rent from Blockbuster. That’s exactly what this is.
   13. The roses purchasing scene. Horribly fantastic. Obviously.
   14. TYhis “Denny” kid is the worst.
   15. Why the hell is there a TV behind a chair? Must be San Francisco.
   16. Lisa’s mixing vodka with… whatever that shit is? I eman. Yeah. This is RyansDrunk.com but…

       

   17. No, Johnny. That would NOT taste good. ESPECIALLY if you’re someone who doesn’t drin,k. GTFO.
   18. Lisa’s one insatiable girl.
   19. Why does it rain with Johnny and Lisa bone?
   20. As a lesbianic boobs aficionado, I must say Lisa’s are pleasing.
   21. And. Lisa’s mom has breast cancer. Obviously.

       

   22. Jesus Crhist. Everything about this scene is… horrible. Holy shit. “Hohnny got drunk last night and hit me, I don’t love him anymore.” Sigh.

       

   23. Yeah. It’s been five minutes. About time for another sex scene.
   24. “Chocolate is a suymbol of love.” I think Forrest Gump didit better.
   25. Sigh. Denny still exists.
   26. “Johnny wanted to adobpt Denny.” Jesus Crhsit.

       

   27. “I told you, mom, Johnny cares very much about the perople in his life!” No bitch. You never said that. GTFO.

       

   28. Everyone ramdomly showes up on the roof. And Denny still exists.

       

   29. Denny is the worst thing ever, dude. Seriously.
   30. Jesus Christ. This forced love triangle is the worst thing ever, dude. Seriosuly.

   31. 

   32. Toimmy Wisseaue can’t talk unless it’s int the studio. Fucking raping my ears, dude.
   33. It’s been like 20 minutes. No sex scene. hrmph.
   34. Seriously. Lisa and… whatever her name is should les out. That’d make this make sense.
   35. Nope. Johnny comes in and ruinds the obvious lesbian sceen.

   36. 

   37. Damn. For a minute thewre, I was thinking Mike was played by Greg Sestero or whatever. But no. Greg plays Mark. This is disappointing because Dave Franco was the OBVIOUS shoe in to play the person that plays this Mike guy. Whatever.
   38. The conersations with Lisa and her mother are… a thing.
   39. Dude. I’m getting worried. It’s been like a half hour without a sex scene.
   40. Wait. What? Johnny’s going to record everything?
   41. Where the hell did this Petr guy from from?
   42. OK. He’s a psychologisty?

       

   43. “You know what they say, love is blind!”

       

   44. WTF? No Johnny’s pissed about Peter being a psycolgist? Jesus Christ.

       

   45. Tommu Wisseau describes his life or something? About meeting Lisa? I don’t know.
   46. Damn it. Denny still exists.
   47. Back when smoking weed was still a tabboo. The good ole’ days.
   48. Damn it. I want someone to be thrown off of this rof. Forreals.
   49. I mean. Perer tells the truth about Lisa. So. That happened.
   50. Wedding day? Now? Lisa just said she didn’t have a dress.

       

   51. Why the fuc is “cheep cheep cheep” the thing, and not, “bawk bawk bawk?”

       

   52. So wait, the wedding’s not happening now? What?
   53. Or… did they all put tuxes on for the fun of it? You know. Toi play football. And such.
   54. Yeah dude. IOt’s been an hour. About time there’s a sex scene, right?
   55. Plus dude. The random “orgasm” noises. Throughout al ther sex scens.

       

   56. Sex scenes in all movies are dumb. Mostly.
   57. I mean. That football in the park montage was a thing.
   58. I mean. I probably need to drink more or something. The Room is starting to make sense.
   59. Plus. Something about a party tonight.
   60. Cut to Johnny and Marlk back in the wildernessy place running. Again?

       

   61. Something about marriage having nothing to so with love. A;; pf a siddem.

       

   62. Disney store in the background, dude. While Johnny’s walking. I miss those. Although, I, obviously, miss the Warner Bros. stores WAY more. But still.
   63. So. Lisa. Totally out of love with Johnny, throws him a surprise party.
       
   64. I think. Toimmy Wisseau just wanted to throw an on-set party. So he wrote it into the “story.”
   65. Mike and Michelle. They are the real story, dude. I NEEd to know more about them. Now. Plus. A sex scene with Michelle would be awesome.
   66. The fuck? Where did Mark ERufalo come from?!
   67. Now the party’s at a… place? I don’t know, dude.

       

   68. “WE’RE EXPECTING!”/”There is no baby.”
       “I told im that to make it interesting.”
       Look man. bitches be crazy, rifght? ESPECILLY in the mid 2—‘sa. Right? I’m TOTALLY on board with that sentiment, or something. But like. Come off it. I guess there’s a little SJWQ in me that’s like, “THIS IS OFFENSEIVE!” At this point anfd shit. Comeo ne, dude.

       

   69. Still the “Lisa” person is the best acrtor here. Even Mark Rusdfalo could save it.
   70. Johnny went to the Donal drump school of tying ties.
   71. Honestly? i rthink I JUST NOW noticed my first spoon.
   72. Seriousy, guys. Why isn’t the “DON’T TOUCH ME MOTHERCUKER! Get out!” line a meme thing. Forreals. It’s on par with “Oh hi mark!” and “You’re tearing me apart Lisa!” Why isn’t it a thing, guys?
   73. Or. Hell. “get out my house!” Come on.
   74. “Cheep cheep cheep” Again.
   75. “I’M FED UP WITH THIS WORLD!”
   76. In studio VO’s,dude. I hate them.
   77. “I don’t like him anymore!” Oh, hi, Mark!
   78. Oh yeah. Johnny records everything. Good God.
       RANDOM SIDENOTE: Jesus Christ ddue. This is damn near the exact plot of that novel, thing I was writing in high school. Minus the movb and such. Although, my stor was… merhaps a bit more clever, I believe.
   79. The TV that was behind the chair RIP’s.
   80. Lisa is definitely tearing him apart now.\
   81. Then… he… dry humps the dress? or somethinfg?
   82. It’s all hppening too fast.
   83. Oh shit.
   84. Johnny kills himself.
   85. God damn dude.

       

   86. Still. Mike and Michelle spinoff movie should’ve happened. Forreals, dude.
   87. Oh my Jesus.
   88. Mark blames Lisa for Johnny’s death.
   89. And…
   90. Denny still exists.

       

   91. And. I mean. Roll credits? I guess.

yeah dude.

I… don’t know what to say now.

The Room is a movie. That happened. In 2003. And. I just watched it. All of those thigs happened. In real life.