The Republican Field

And then… there were 16.

16 candidates that were vying for support to be the nominee for President of the United States in one of the two largest political parties. 16 for 2016. Out of these 16 people, one of which WILL have a, statistical 50/50 shot at being President of the United States. Unless, of course, the Alex Joneses of the world are correct in predicting that the current President will announce martial law. Then all of this will be for nothing.

But. The list goes as follows.

RANDOM SIDENOTE: Legitimately, these are the candidates that hit me off of the top of my somewhat-buzzed head. In other words, they’re in no particular order.

  1. Donald Trump (The Lex Luthor, if you will)
  2. Rand Paul
  3. Ted Cruz
  4. Ben Carson
  5. Jeb Bush
  6. Carly Fiorina
  7. John Kasich
  8. Scott Walker
  9. Marco Rubio
  10. Mike Huckabee
  11. Chris Christie
  12. Bobby Jindal
  13. Rick Santorum
  14. George Pataki
  15. Jim Gilcrestmorlandson
  16. Lindsey “I Didn’t Know It Was This Bad” Graham
In other words, in all reality, there's just two choices here that are worth... ANYTHING.
In other words, in all reality, there’s just two choices here that are worth… ANYTHING.

But. For now. I’ll restrain myself from that sort of commentary. For now, I’ll just stick to, by and large. The people. The… apparent candidates that NEED to go away. Not so much in the Donald Trump sense. That’s a, truly, personal commentary. I’ll only stick to those that are just taking up space. Wasting time. Those sorts of things.

#1. George Pataki

He’s supposed to have some sort of credibility behind him. But. He adds… nothing. Good riddance.

#2. Lindsey “I Didn’t Know It Was This Bad” Graham.


Seriously. The only thing to this guy’s credit is being “tough on ‘radical Islam.'” Yet. ALL THE WHILE he supported the “Arab Spring,” he admitted that he didn’t know it was as bad as he had thought. He’s a corrupt, GOP elitist. And he has NO business being in the Senate, LET ALONE running for President.

Pretty sure I don’t need to say more about him. So.

#3. Jim Gilcrestmorlandson (Jim Gilmore)

Did you know he was running? Did you know he was a Repubilcan? No worries.

Thankfully, CNN didn’t even entertain the “fact” that this guy is running. He has… LITERALLY polled with 0%. There’s NO reason for him to be on the stage. ANY stage. At all. So. Yeah. He, obviously. Just needs to go away. Nothing else to say here, right?

#4. Rick Santorum

Just. Stop it.

Really. Rick Santorum was only the “runner up” in 2012 because Rick Perry forgot the third branch of government he’d bring to an end. There was no other reason for his rise to “stardom.” There was no reason for him to has ANY sort of success on the national stage. At all. He just NEEDS to go away. Far, far away. I’d say he should go into the Star Wars universe. But even that’d be giving him too much credit. Especially since I can’t stand Star Wars. At all. Hopefully. That made sense.

#5. Mike Huckabee

God, guns and grits?

Huckabee doesn’t hock guns. Nor does he hock grits. His message is seemingly only based on a theocracy. That seems to work very, VERY well in the Middle East. Hopefully, under a President Huckabee, and HIS religion it will work much, MUCH better here in America!

#6. John Kasich

Stop it. Stop this nonsense!

There is not one. NOT ONE. Redeeming quality about former Governor John Kasich. Sure. He is from Ohio, or whatever. Sure Ohio is a state that Republicans NEED to win in the general election. Outside of that? Kasich adds NOTHING to ANY conversation. It’s pretty much a fact that the only reason he made it to Fox News’ “adult’s table” debate in the first place was due to his past affiliation working with the channel. Now he was included in the debate tonight. And. Sucked the life out of… EVERYTHING. Just stop it. Go away.

And… I guess…

Sorry for using this same image twice but...
Sorry for using this same image twice but…

I want to go on. I do. But I’m just trying to limit this to the intro that I wrote before. I could go into how and why Ben Carson should leave the race. I could go into how Chris Christie is nothing but a progressive Republican. I could bring up the failure that was Hewlett-Packard under Carly Fiorina. I could, once again, go into how a Jeb Bush Republican nominee will JUST hand over the Presidency to the Democrats. I could mention that Scott Walker is bald, or whatever.

And of course, I could mention that there is not one. NOTHING. ABSOLUTELY ZERO. Things that are appealing about Donald Trump. He has NOTHING redeemable about him. He is the 2008 Barack Obama. Only. You know. A Republican.

As much as it pains me to say this.

But, given the blind support that Donald Trump has received, especially by those that consider themselves to be “Tea Party” members, perhaps there was something to the “racism” claims about the Tea Party by the left.

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Ryan

I’m pretty awesome. I write drunken ramblings. Lover of gaming. Engaged in an on-again-off-again relationship with pro-wrestling. And I am your resident Batman expert.

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