The Trumpets of the Week Vol. 1

Alright. So. Like. I have NO idea if this will be a LEGIT… “WEEKLY~!” thing. Just as much as I cant, obviously, know that I’m going to ramblinge WEEKLY~! as seen by my… what? threeish week abscenece?

wHATEVER. This rambling? The point of these series of ramblings WILL be… discussing the dumbness that EVRRYONE on the left is flipping out about Trump. “this week.” Right?

So. Starting now? Right? Here we go.

#1. Donald Trump and his Supreme Court Nominee Will END WOMEN’S RIGHTS FOREVER~! AND… AND>>> THERE WILL NEVER BE CONDOMS OR CONTRACEPTIVES… EVER~!
Brett Kavanaugh

Just. Like. Dude.

Fooreals?!

Already I gota bust out one of these?

#1. I could be wrong here. But. With the, albeit, VERY little researh I’ve done. All I’m seeing is that by adding another “conservative” judge merely trheatens Roe v. Wade… somehow. I mean… like… The Supreme Court can’t just come around and say. “Alright dudes, remever that Roe, case we decided in 1973? Yeah. Let’s vote to change our desicion on that now!”
That can’t happen. Right? So… the fuck’s the problem here? Right?
#2. Brett Kavanaugh HAS YET to say something like, “OMG~! I HATE ME SOME ABORTIONS~!”
#3. There’s been so much ridiculouslness on the left abotu Brett Kavanaugh’s nomination that… it’s not even worth going into. “Him becoming a Supreme Court Justice will mean the death of hundreds of millions of people in the future.” A pundit. Legitimately said. In year of our lord. 2018. Liuke. A couple days ago.
#4. I’ll go into ONE other thing. Pundits. ALL-ROUND the mainstream media have gone on and on about how Kavanaugh as Justice will mean an end to contraceptives. And. Just. Dude. All I KNOW. FOR A FACT… is that… Corey Gardner already banned birth control.

So.

Once again.

#2. Donald Trump. Calmly and statesmanlike negotiated with America’s allies. Against Russia. And he’s still the biggest asshole. Ever. Somehow?


Pretty sure he said more than this. But. This was the best I could find.

So. America pays. SIGNIFICANTLY more money into the NATO alliance. And. Hell… into the United Nations as well. And dude. remember. NATO was creasted. FOIR THE SOLE PURPOSE OF PROTECTING THE WESTERN WORLD AGAINST RUSSIA.

But America’s just supposed to be like, “OK. We’ll pay more. Alway. No problem, dude. You, Germany, are being paid by Russia and aren’t contributing more? In fact, you’re in the bottom half of contributors to NATO? Behind the likes of Croatia?! Yeah dude. That’s OK. Doesn’t matter that ya’ll arew having an economic upswing at the moment. Nor does it matter that you guys caused a bunch of the worlds problems. But hey. We love you. We’ll still keep paying 20 times more than you! YEAH!”

Just. Dumbness. All-round. As per usual. Ask Shep Smith.

#3. But dude. Nothing is as impoirtant as this bit right here. BECAUSE. It’s a LOW PROBABILITY! HIGH IMPACT SCENARIO! Donald Trump is a Soviet-era sleeper agent. DUH?!


It all makes sense now.

Alright. I’m gonna throw out another LOW PROBABILITY! HIGH IMPACT! scenario at you. You ready?

here we go…

Bill Clinton was actually a clone birthed in the labs Josef Mengele. Bill Clinton was created. To be. NOTHING BUT… THE Ultimate Arian! Oh my Jesus! SUCH RACISM! MUCH ANTI-SEMITES!~

No. Here guys. Let me drop this LOW PROBABILITY! HIGH IMPACT! scenario at you. You ready?

Barack Obama. Forged his Hawaii birth certificate. OMG! I’m SORRY. OMG . Jesus. Damnit. I ddint’ mean to say that. Shit. That LOW PROBABILITY! HIGH IMPACT! scenario is WAY TOO racist. I apologize. Let me fix it.

Barrack Omaama. LOW PROBABILITY! HIGH IMPACT! Was actually a descendant of Jesus Christ himself. Because. We all know. Everyone back in the pre-AD era was black. Right? Barack Obama is one of Jesus’ great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great…

No I’ll stop…

Barack Obama IS Jesus’s GREATEST descendant. Ever. Period. LOW PROBABILITY! HIGH IMPACT!

Boom.

Michael Jordan is a clone of Hitler. LOW PROBABILITY! HIGH IMPACT! BOOM!

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