What’s On My Mind Vol. V

Fuck the discaimer.

At this point, you get it, right?

Although, I’ll give this one, quick warning. This rambling? It’s personal. Like. One of the most personal things I’ve ever written. Other than that suicide note I wrote on MySpace.
I keep telling myself, I’m over this idea of “love.” Moreover, “the love to shelter me.”You knowl The tattoo I have. Written. In broken Latin. Kinda. I keep telling myself that, “That’s just high school you! You’re totallty over that shit.”

But nah dude. I just want to be loved. Like. I know there’s many-a peoples that love me. You know? But. Just love, man. That’s all I’ve ever wanted, you know? And. It’s not that I don’t feel love around me now.

It’s just.

I NEED to know. That even this broken down piece of shit that I am. This person that once had soem SORT of “media empire” bullshit. Thing. Person that I am. I just need and needed love. It’s been a long, long time since I’ve thought about it. But fuck man.

All I’m looking for is love.

And. Fucking. Emoness.

Plus nostalgia. Things happened. This week.

But there’s a reason tears are in my eyes as I write this. But whatever.

I’m also fucking scared, dude. The future of my country seems to be boiled down to “HEY GUYS~! HOW DOES LESS FREEDOM SOUND?!”

Academia. College safespaces. Things. My “line of work,” will be gone. Soon. Free thinkers. The people that the first ammendment is supposed to protect will be gone. Because, personal feelings will mean more than stating opinions.

While I ABSOLUTELY DEPLORE some people’s opinions. I ABSOLUTELY RESPECT that they have a right to say what they think. THat’s how America is supposed to fucking work. That’s how the free world. A Free MANKIND. Is supposed to work. Uh oh. I’m sorry. I triggered some feminist by saying, “MANKIND.” Fuck you.

Both sides of te American political aisle are willing to shut down free speech. One wants to prosecute journalists for stating opinions. The other is willing to shiut up journalists because those writers go against her opinion.

The first ammendment is there to proctect, say David Duke. It’s also there to protect, say the leadership of Black Lives Matter and their nonsense.

But both are on the brink of being shut down. Because. Politics.

My voice. Someone that has used the word, “nigger.” On occasion. I already feel austracized. Regardless of context. For fuck sakes. SOMEONE once heard Paula Deen say “nigger” in a joke. And now Paula Deeen is eraticated from history.

This world we live in is fucking nonsense.

Hurt feelings mean more than free speech. And that. Is. Utter. Complete. Bullshit.

Then. I look back. At me. Most likely? In the grand scheme of things? No one is going to read this. Maybe, at FUCKING TOPS 20 people will. 20. Out of 7,000,000,000.

This world is NOT that complex. It all boils down to:

Don’t be a dick. Or a bitch. If you still believe in that sort of thing.

Blah.

Fuckingl.

Whatever.

Say words you want to say. Stop holding back. And just fucking say it already.

So. I’ll say it.

I’m a fat, pathetic, piece of shit. Taht basically sums up my life. I’ve also had sex a number ofg times. And I’ve seen Europe. I write things. And I can only talk out loud, without hesitation when I’m drunk. I’m an awkward guy that is aways uncomfortable whilst talking to attractive women. I can say some of the right things. But rarely the honest ones, if I’m being honest. I’ve done plenty of deplorable shit in my life. I’ve also done some pretty awesome things. I, seemingly, can’t take two steps without sweating all over the fucking place.

And. Just. I’m looking for someone to love me. This pathetic. Piece of shit that I am. It would be awesome.

But. Here comes reality…

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Ryan

I’m pretty awesome. I write drunken ramblings. Lover of gaming. Engaged in an on-again-off-again relationship with pro-wrestling. And I am your resident Batman expert.

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