REMINDER: I’M NOT FIXING ANY TYPOS BECAUSE I’M DRUNK AND IT WILL MAKE THIS RAMBLING MORE SILLY AND INSTRESTING
The short answer is, “No. Don’t do it~!”
THe long answer. Pretty much is explained. In these ramblings. Stufs.
At the very least. There’s once a week in which I make the TRUE “gun” symbol with my fingers. This symbol woould get you suspended, if not, expelled in the modern public-school system. But. None of this denegrates the fact I’m about to spew. And stuffs. And things.
Far more than just, “weekly.” Maybe… you could say it’s daily. But.I use one of my hadns. And with the fingers I have attached… I make a “gun symbol.” Given that I’m a lucky somebithc. And I have the use of both hands at my disposal…
Thew finguers generally include… a middle and index finger. The thumb. Obviously. Is the… (HATE ME~! SLAY ME~!… because I’m ghetting this wrong) trigger. And I point this CLASS FUCKING A~! firearm at my head. My thumb(s). It constantslys acts as the pulling of the barrel.
And. I fucking. Blow the cunt out of my brains.
Obvious “joke” is obvjoius. At this point.
The point, I fguess, is: Semi-daily… I wish I’d just fucking die already.
Tge :gun gesture” I make. Semi-daily. Represents that I just want to… you know. Die. I can’t take any more of life. So. I point the “gun gesture” to my head. ANd pull the trigeer. Semi-daily. Becausae. Reasons. Reasons tell mer. Sem-dailuy that I’m a worthless piece of shit. Semi-daily. I’nm reminded that I’m as worthless as they come.
But then. In my Palahniukian mind. I started to question why I don’t point this “gun gesture”in my mouth. NMore than likely… it has to do with the gact that I don’t want to place my middle and index fingers inside of my mouth. But. You know. At the same time. I’ve got he “Palahniukian” quote of…
It’s church doctrine that says I have to kill myself. They don’t say it has to be a hurry-hurry instant quick death.
-Tender Branson’s narration in Survivor.
And. You know. That runs throught my head. So. I know where my fingers have been. And. Yet. I can’t even put the “gun gesture.” You know. THE GLASS A FIREARM CLASSIGICATION IN PUBLIC SCHOOS~! Ican’t even bring myself to put it in my mouth. That’s how much I’d rather… you know… not die.
Usually. When I can not fgind ANY reason to live. Like. You know. At all. Considering a fact that my own brother, whom I’ve pretty much idolized my entire life. Or. Maybe, I was forced to idolize… The brother of mine. You know. Looked me in the eys. And said. Basically, “You’re so pathetic… I don’t even consider you to be my brother.” After living through all that… And. You know. PLENTY of other shit. That I’ve, you know, been through emotionally.
Just let me tell you.
Suicide is. NEVER an answer.
A lesson I learned the hard way. If you don’t succedd in your attempt, you’ll be paying for medical bills your entire life. And shit. If you DO succeed with the attempt., your FAMILY will have to fucking pay your your burden. Period.
OH HAPPY DAY~! You’re no longer “in pain~!” But… your family is paying your creedenxe. More than likely… even in death… you’d become the biggest piece of shit your family has ever seent. In their lifetime. Ever.
I guess. The whole point of all of this (and I swear… my brother mentioned in all of this… he’s an awesome guy. Seriously.)… I guess… I’ve felt more suicidal this weelk than I have in a long, LONG time. Honestly. Honestness is honest. or something. BATMAN V. SUPERMAN~! Arguments. I don’t know.
But… This past week. I truly was feling at my lowest. Throughout all of my suicidal feelings. I knew. In the back of my head. TYhere was something awesome that I was neglecting. Something that I knew was more important than everything I was feeling. I was neglcting it. And fginally. To snap me out of my nonsensical, 24/7, crazy mind that I’ve got. Throughout all of it.
I neglected the fact that I had the answer. The whole fucking time.
The whole fucking time. I just needed to watch a Louis C.K. stand-up. Seriousdly. This was the GREATEST cure. EVER.
Thus. Again. Kind of.
I leave you with a… prettuty appropriate Louis C.K. stand-up bit.