12DoDM: Day 8 – I am Santa Claus

REMINDER: I’M NOT FIXING ANY TYPOS BECAUSE I’M DRUNK AND IT WILL MAKE THIS RAMBLING MORE SILLY AND INSTRESTING

So. Now. because. Reasons. I’m turing to something that’s been on my radar for a while now. It’s a Netflix movie thingus. Documentary. Tghe only reason it’s on my radar? Wel, because Mick Foey is right there on the “poseter” of the fil m. So. Documentary. THINGUSES~! BOM~! AWESOME. MICK FOLEY~!

Let’s watchthis thing. For the VERY first time. Right?

1. Mick Foley was a producer on this? Hrmph.
2. There’s no such thing as a “mediium fat” Santa. Come off it, Michelle.
3. So. Mall Santas need more money. Because. Socialism?
4. “Bears.” “Polar bears.” Sigh.
5. Oh my Jesus. They really went THERE with this “bear’ thingus.
6. UH OH~! A hobo bleached his hair to become Santa?! FFS. I hate capitalims. SO GOD DAMN MUCH.
7. UH OH~! There’s a “get to gether” of Santas? And it’s fun/evil? DA<M IT!

8. 

9. If Mick has to listen to Christmas music… YEAR ROIOUND (something that I don’t rememver reading in any of his books… that i’ve read) then yeah. I’d NEVBER want to be on the road with him. Ever.
10. Jerry Lawlers’s all like, “Yeah, I’m a heart attack away from dying. But Mick’s got Santa in his heart, no doubt.” Sorry for taking the low blow joke there.
11. Tommy Dreamer and Dee Snider now describe how much the7y thingk Mick, himelf loves christmas so much.
12. So. Basically. This nivuie sgiykd be called, “Why Mick Foley Likes Christmas so Much.” But,
13. BOOM~! Other Christmas. Ness. Santa stories. Cause. this is NOT at alL abiout Mick Foley.
14. Something about St. patrick’s fday. Right?
15. Soime Santa inpregnates someone. Because. Reason. Something about German Nazi’s too? WHAT?!
    
16. Hitler likenesses. Because. Why noy, right?
17. So. This one, particular Santa likes to drink hjimself to-damn near death. On St. Patrick’s Day/ And that’s the WORST thing you an show? Blah.
18. Thus cfar. With the Dallas Santa. Crying. Abotu how he’s NOW apatt of people’s lives. This shit became real. And awesome.Like. Even beyond Fley. All I care about is thieys Dallas Santa. Forreals.
19. But.
20. Then. The movie cuts to. Some sort of OLD school rock and roll. Because.
    
21. Somewhere’s ihn the south? I don’t know. This is bullsht right now.
22. So. After giving us the TRUE embodiment of Christmas itself. We go to some sort of alcoholic. For. Reasons.
23. And… someone else gets his legan name chaned to Santa Claius? FFS. This documentary’s all over the place.
24. Sinething about how awesome Santas are. Because. Christianity? And like… a parody of “Jingle Bells?” FFS.
25. Uh Oh. MICK is DEFINITELY the MOST important figure here. Well. Sure. But.
26. Mick’s costumes are awesome. Innit?
27. Mick Foley makes a n “expensive joke.” Because. Socialism. DUH?!
28. Edutubg sgits, Avbout whatever Santa this is. Fuck editing
29. By theway, a Kindle Fire is ON THE TIP of ANYONE’S tongue for a gift fromt Santa? As much as I hate the cult of Apple. or. Whatever. There is NO ONE that wants a “Kind Fire” fpor Christmas. That’s never. EVER. Happened.
30. But. That Santa parties. because. He’s human
31. TBRU. Whatever that is.
32. Enituibak. Sadness. Sgh
33. Documentary dramna.
    
34. uh oh. There’s drama. With the -presiden of real bearded Santa Clauses., If he’s not impeachesd. I’ma riot.
35. DRAMA?!~ ABOURT sex or something?!
36. Why?
37. I wouldn’t mind seeing nudity next to my food. Personally. I mean. Boobs. FGood. That DOES NOT bother me.
38. Then. Something aut gayness. Because. SJWness. because.
    
39. So. I’m guessing that this president person, thing. The controversary here is that he goes to titty bars. or ;ike. Gayness rthings. Because he likes gays? I don’t know
40. Just.
    
41. Mick Foley is the only relevant Sata.
42. Sigh.
43. Well.
44. It’s because.

45. 

46. aND. An awesome story about Mick’s personal experience. Helping a child. No jokes. Good for you, Mick. Forreals.
47. Skipping cause. Yah.
48. SDometing about a Swinging Sangta?!
49. FFS. It all has to do with gayness. And he’s relifgious and gay. At church. And. Much controversy. Such SJW. Sigh.
    
50. Sigh. Mick does things. because WWF. Bnecuase. Santa. because. Reasons.
51. Then. The late Rody Piper’s there. And pipe calls Mick “the real Santa Claus.” And. It’s pretty emotional. Because. Suspending misbeliefe.
52. Sigh. Emotional. Now.
53. Ski[[ing alot because this is going on FAR too long.
54. Ugh man.
55. In a different setting, this would make for good watchings. Forreal;s. I can’t wait to watch this sover.
56. Aside from the socialismness.
57. Skip to. Mick asking his kid what Santa can brin him for Christmas. And his kid’s going to be an elf? Something? Sigh.
58. Eating differnly because of mustaches?
    
59. Mick’s going through the trans-Santa operation. Such microagressions.
60. HIS FINGERS WERE PURPLE AT ONE POINT!
61. Don’t care. Sorry.
62. So. Mick Foley. Cloverfieldness.
63. Ski[[ing. Fuclk this.
64. More sadness with all of the other Santas.
65. Ski[[oing.
66. Shit. I skipped to the end credits. Thingueses. Damn.
67. Uh.

Forreals. I’ll watch this when I’m sober. I promise. The socialistic messages will crush me. But still. I’ll watch it.

My bad? This is the end of this rambling?