12DoDM: Day 9 – Bad Santa

REMINDER: I’M NOT FIXING ANY TYPOS BECAUSE I’M DRUNK AND IT WILL MAKE THIS RAMBLING MORE SILLY AND INSTRESTING

As for most of thies lttle movies. Things. That I awatch. I’ll say it once more. This is the VERY first time I’ve EVER seen this little classic film. As it were. but forreals. I’ll be watching this’un. For the first time. Ever. OIN my almost 28 years. So. Should be fun. Maybe?

All I know in adcance is that this is a rather “repulsive”: “Christmas” movie. Thingus. So. There is NO DOUBT in my mind that it HAD to be included within the first ever “12 Days of a Drunken Mess.”

Obviously.

Here w go.

1. RIP Burnt Big Mac.
2. Bill Bib gives us some backstoery.
   

3. 

4. Thus far. This Santa only says bad words and drinks. And pisses himself. Siuch hatred.
5. THIE TICKING CLOCK`1
6. sO. this Santa. And his midget, elf friend, person. steal from the Seers that they work at. And what not. Because.
   
7. Midget jokes. Cause. Funny?
8. Movies’ over. Billy Bob quit being a bad Santa.
9. In Miamai. And shit.
10. Spontaneously, there’s a volley ball game going on with bikini clad girl women things. because. Patriarchy.
11. loljk
12. Someone’s doing a Zack Galafineckesness voice. As a mall santa. You knw what I’m on about.
13. So mny microagressions happening.
14. MICRO. GHET OIT?!
15. Fat kids need loving too.
16. Fat kid hets bullied by school mates?
    
17. Back in the dsay when smoking in bars was allowed. Godo tiomes.
18. Beings SDanta gets dudes laid? Hrpm.
19. I AM NOT GSAY, FRIEND~! I AM NOT GAY, BUDDY~!
20. fat kid saves the day. Thank gosd.
21. Fat kids, FTW~!
22. First cracked laugh: Billy Bob puts on the ski mask.
23. Although he’s stupid. The fat kid TOTALLY saves the day. Fuck the rest of this movie.
24. FFS. A “You people” joke. (Probably the original one in movies… or close to it). In 2003.
25. #AllLivesMatter
26. The fod court is the worst part of any mall. Period.
27. SDam Pepper joke. Probably.
28. A Bill Clinton, “do what you will about sex, thiungus” joke. In 2003?
    
29. Unles it’s escaped me… I’ve yetr to see a plot. Hrmph.
30. HERE’S THE FAT KID TO SAVE THE DAAAAY~!
31. But he wants a pink elephant? The fuck?
32. Get real. This kid wants an XBOX one. Or… you know.
33. THen. The fat kid becomes bray Wyatt creepy. BOOOOO!
34. Something about Caesar Augustus being dead? Maybe?I could hae my Latin history fucked up here.
35. Food coursts.
    
36. Freud has something to do with midgets? What?
37. WHAT?! AN ASIAN NAMED LOIS?!
38. There it is. RThe 2003 XBOX, awesomeness I was waiting for.
39. Most likely, this 10ish year old kid in 2003, attempting to steal amd XBOX game or whateber he’s doing. Currently, today. FORREALS. That actor is MOER THAN LIKEl so GOD DAMN MUCH on about the microagressions against litle people at his current college campus. Think about it.
40. Fat juds arte awesome at Checkers. Fuck you.
41. Bot not really.
42. LUMINARIOUS~!?! That’s WAY too muchy like the Illuminati.
43. Soimething about a Muslim joke?! FORREALS?! 2003?! FFS. God damn. Way too awesome at this point.
44. Second cracked laugh: “FUCK NO?! You think I’m some kinda pervert or something?”
45. Dudes pass out after sex, duroing talking. FFS. Patriarchy.
46. Advent calanders are prettty drumb.
47. Dude. Forreals. That was the greatest sho t in the history of film, that I’ve seen. One of them, anwyas. How Billy Bob “collapses” on the floor and shit. Damn. Sorry. But still. Awesome. Fuck you.
48. Third cracked laugh: “I forgot to say it was going to sting you, that’s all.”
49. Why had Bernie Mac been the biggest prick of the whole movie? Porbably because he’s hte antagonist? Blah.
50. Seriously. What the fuck is it with advent calendars? I only heard the word “advent” this year. And I thought it was a Britisah thing. Blah.
51. “man’s a sexual being. Fucking Darwinian.” Such patriarchy.
52. Ppkoemon.
    
53. No fat kid wants ANY oolored elephant. BOOOOO!
54. So… Bad Santa becomes a heist movie?
55. Fourth cracked smile: When Billy Bob starts punching oput the donkey and stuffs.
56. Something aout a 15th Centurry joke?
57. Once again, the fat kid save thes fuckkng day. FUCK YES! Danta didn’t ill himself cause the fat hid had a black guy.
58. Legit. Daqt kids don’t get mad.
59. Getting punched in the balls is no joke. Fuc hat.
60. Fifth cracked smile: The frandm’s all passedout and stuffs. YEAH!
61. Or… is she dead?
62. Nopes. Jump scare.
    
63. Something about cunnilingus. But. Santa’s not doing it right. AT ALL.
64. Then, The fat kid becomes creepy. Again. BOOOOO!
65. Sigh. The fat kid feels bnad about himself. BNOOOOOO!
66. Cut to: Heist.
    
67. So. Bernie Mac gets straight up murdedr. Just cause.
68. Yeah. The pictues wul have een too soon.
69. Come off it. Everybody loves sammiches.
70. ESPECIALLY isf omeone else is making them.
71. Fuck Kwanza. Forreals. That shit isn’t real.
72. So… the midgest that was in Friday saves the… heist day?
73. Once againt. Billy Bob’s all like. BOOM HEIST MOVIE~!
    
74. The midget that was in Friday steals some lingerie. For. Reasons? Asian girlfriend, I know . But. Why? Was that ever funny?
75. Christ sake. Piunk elephant vbullshitl.
76. And. Midget that was in Friday piul;;s a RUSSO~! SWERVE~!
    
77. Fat kid saves the ay. AGAIN?! FUCK YEAH? Mauybe?
78. I definitely don’t lknw how he could’ve saved it. But. Oh wells.
79. Sixth cracked smile: “Though there wasn’t much blod on what you gave mee…”
80. EVEN MORE FUCKED UP THAN RODNEY KING?! #Black:ivesMatter! Such microagresseions.
81. Shit happes when you party naked, inddeed.
82. John Ritter’s loving memory, indeed. Sorry about that.