So. Uh. Right off the bat… I really dont like this movie. Like. At all, basically. I borderline hte it. But I’m forced to watch it, or at least have it play in the background multiple times every yer for two days straight. Because. As Todd said, “Things con’t become trditions because they’re good. THey become good because they’re tradition!”
So. I’m about to subtjet myself to this bit of torture-tupe-ofting. You you all. Right now. Even though. You know. I’m about to have todo the whole, “watch it or at least have it play in the backgroound multiple times for two ays straight,” thing here in a few days. You can thank me later.
- I’ve LALWAYS LOVED THE MFM INTRO. The roring lion and shit. So good.
- Ugh man. Even the opening of this is giving me regrets for doing this rambling. Ugh.
- Ugh dude. Immeditely. I’m just hit with blandness. I’ve got nothing to say because this is so lame.
- WTF? Ralphie mom and dad slept in seperate beds like they’re Lucy and Ricky? The fuck? How did I just no w notice this?
- No, Ralphie, You’ll shoot your eye out.
- I mean. This is the ONLY cool scene in the movie. Ralphie’s western/robberrs fantasy. All boys feel this way when they get their first BB gun and stuffs.
- Except. You know. We live in 20100. Boys aren’t allowed to have BB guns and shit anymore. oS.
- Ralphie’s brother turns into Kenny for a minute there.
- OH NOO! FLG POLES! DOUBLE DOG DARE! OH NO! TRIPLE DOG DARE! OH NO! Meh.
- WTF? According t google, The movie’s set in 1940. So… married couples really did that separete beds thing back then and stuffs. Weird.
- Ugh man. I’m no where nere the end of this movie. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh
- Te bully people. Hppen.
- The old man won. Yay! And fuck the dogs. Or whatever. I still don’t care.
- Fragile. Blah.
- So… I randomly googledd Ralphie’s old man an stuffs. And I discoered that A Christmas Story action figirues exist.
- I mean. I don’t get the big deal about the lamp. At all. I guess it’s supposed to be 1940. In 1983. And that’s racy ansd stuffs. But. Oh wells.
- Then. THere’s. You know. The, “A+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++” fantasy. That’s a thing.
- I guess U;m to much into the MTV generation to care about this movie or something.
- Kids didn’t say “fuck” in 1940! Ever. GTFO! Kids never knew that the word existed until the 1980s. You know. When Tipper Gore tried fascism to keep the children safe from such obscenities.
- So. Ralphie eats soap. Obviously.
- So. Uh. Shwarts’s mom turns into Kyel’s Mom. You know>
Plus, the whole, “WHAT, WHAT WHAT?!” thing.
- Sorry. Was watching that scene there. But. Ralphie’s about to decode an Ovaltine advertisement. And I really couldn’t care less. So… I’ma watch another South Park scene.
- Jesus Christ. We’re about halfway through the moie and we still haven’t hit the Santa scene. The fuck happened?
- Man. All I wanna do right now is watch The Witchedd on Netclix. But this movie’s taking too damn long. And… it’s like… not even an hour and a half long, I don’t think. Ugh.
- Ralphie’s mo m is doing some Harley Quinn cosplay.
- Dinally, Ralphie kicks the shit out of the bully people.
- Ugh man. I can’t care that daddy’s gonna kill Ralphie and stuffs. At all. I’m so done with this. In fact. Fuck it. I’m skipping to the Santa scene. I’ll get the money shot over with.
- I guess… it was like… five minutes away. But. Whatever.
- And. Boom. Even Santa thinks he’s gonna shoot his eye out.
- Is this on Christmas Eve? I hope so.
- Something about the Christmas tree? Star’s croked. Ugh. I hagte this movie.
- Yups. Christmas Eve. Thankfull. But… WTF sees Santa n Christmas Eve?
- Uh… Presents. Opening.
- Forget it. I’m done. There’s a funny line in here about a blue bowling ball. But I don’t care. Sorry Welly, sorry God. I reaally, really hate this movie. And I can’t stants it anymore!
Uh. Overall? The movie gets 0 terrible bunny onesies out of 5. Fuck this movie. Forreals.
But hey. This thing still reaches the top of many-a list for best Christmas movie. Ever. For some reason. So. We’re nearing the end. How the hell am I gonna top this, most beloved Christmas movie? Well, with the best Christmas movie ever. I swear. Check back tomorrow.