The Drunken Watching of… Saw

REMINDER: I’M NOT FIXING ANY TYPOS BECAUSE I’M DRUNK AND IT WILL MAKE THIS RAMBLING MORE SILLY AND INSTRESTING

In 2004. Saw was an enigma. Wrapped in a riddle. Inside of a mystery. In fact. No one. No one. NO ONE. Truly saw thefilm in theaters. In all honestyluy, this was pretty much the movie that saw Bl9ckbuster through its last days. It was a fi;m. In 2004/2005. That made… H*UGE… Donald RTrump Style HUGE… effect on people.

It was called Saw.

From the, REAL word of mouth. The turning point in the movie, HAD everyrhing to do with the story of the film. THe AMAZING, mind-oblowing twist. The “RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOUR FACE” story that wasn’t exposed until the very end of the movie.

Basically. I… Kinda… SORTA… like Saw II m7uch more than the first movie only due to the fact that it delves deeper into who “Jigsaw” is. And why he’s on about killing peiples and playing games. And stuff. And things. CORAL:~!

Either way. Saw is my favoritie horror/slasher film. Period.

And below all of this… you’ll know why. Right?

1. A fi;m by James Wan that doesn’t invole super speeding cars?! WTF is this?!
2. “Leigh Whanne;;/” because THAT’s the way to spell “Lee~!”
3. “TURN ON THE LIGHTS~!” iT’S acted about as good as Leigh’s upcoming “acting scene.”
4. Oh hell nah. You didn’t drag Carey Elwaes into your mess, did you?
5. My name is “Very fucking confused.” Spedlled normally. Unlike “Leigh.”
6. Something about “seeing a dead body.” “FunnyOrDie.” Something related. Maybe.
7. According to IMDB. “Adam” just TOTALLY lied. ABout his name.
8. “What about that clock?!” You get the joke. Don’t lie.
9. “Use your shirt~!” I’m pretty sure that hasn’t been said. Ever. Since Sable. In WWF. In 1998.
10. “You throw me your tape.” I’m pretty sure that that hasn’t made sense to ANY one since 2001. (BUT~! THIS movie was made int 2004) Huh?
11. Even Jigsaw is a hopeless romantic. AWWWW~!
12. Digging your way through a toilet full os shit is the worst thing ever. In 2004. Somehow.
13. A poiece of shit saw is the best way to get through SOLID steal chains~! BAH GAWHD~! WQOULD SOMEONE STOP THE DAMN MATCH?!
14. Diud ANYTHING happen to Danny Glover in the movie? I’m not sure. Was he EVER mentioned again? Should he have been?
    Hello, RyansDrunk.com Reader. I want to play a game.
    Tell me. Is there ANY sort of exp;anation…
    HIS NAME IS JOHN~! HE’S A VERUY INTERSTING PERSON~!
    Is there AN sort of explanation why Danny GLover is nevr seen again in ANY Saw movie?
    More than likely… there is an explanation. If I’m not mistaken.
    But still.
    I WANT TO PLAY THE FAME BECAUE I’M TRIPLE H~! MAAALAAAH~!

    

15. For tyhe LONGEST time. I thought Amada was sharing a room with her soul mate. Not her cellmate. HARTE ME~! SLAY ME~!
16. Carey Elwes was allowed ot listen to Amanda’s testimony… why?
17. Likw… legal standpoint and shirt.
18. Amanda’s got blonde hair streaks in this movie. It doesn’t satray from the fact that she is… A man… DUH?!
19. The film tries to Poltergiest itself. With a random, creepily dressed young girl. Just cause.
20. Waking up her parents. Because. Man in her room. Blanket. Lamenests. Thjings.
21. Uh oh. Dad’s too busy working. 🙁 On work. BOOOOO~!
22. “Let’s get that tootsy into bed.” The creepiest line in hw movie.

    

23. But then. Jigsaw is… uncannily personal. You know. As far as the resrt of the movies are concerned. And. Wallets.
24. HELLO ZEB~! No. The orderlie person. Medical thingus. Doesn’t matter.
25. Then Danny GLover’s like… “OMG~! I’M JIGSAW~! BUT NOT REALLY~!” Then… Forreals. I don’t remember what haoppened tpo Mr. Glover in the movie.
26. He’s just all creepily obsessed with Jigsaw. Danny Glover. Things.
    
27. Legit. While watching the movie now. I STILL have NO idea WTF happens to Danny Glover.
28. While the “HUGE” spoiler is coming. I’m still looking for the, personal, spoiler. Because. Again. I don’t remember what hjappenes to Danny Glover.
29. Yup. His partner gets kikled. I know this.
30. Uh ohj. Danny Glover has gto play a game. 🙁
31. AND… he’s getting too old for this shit. And he has to pretend that the game isn’t happening.
32. Tobin Bell. Is. OBVIOUSLY the best villain ever.
33. Fuck you.
34. It’s in the box?
    
35. There it is. The answer I was looking for. Danny Glover gets his neck slit.
36. Then his Asian partner’s all like….
37. “Uh oh, Spider webs? Disn’t Sony take care of this shit?
38. Uh oh. Danny Glover’s still alive.
39. And apparently. Danny Glover’s 0partner perspnm. Died. That one time. Just becuase. And Dannly Glover is not relevant.
40. JUST TURN OUT THE LIGHTS~! “Leigh” says., Like evry bitch ever. Every bitch ever that’as all like, “NO I SPELL MY NAME WITH AN E.I. AMD A G.H. AND alk tgat has NOTHING to do with a general hospital~! DON’T ask Franco~! EVER~!
41. And. Smpokes. And. Sweet cancer. Becayse awesine, Aaron Eckhart proved that smoking is awesome. Around the same time Carey Elwes was like, “Smopking sucks~!” “Here you go, Leigh!~! (because that’s how you spell, “Lee”) Here’s a cigarette, bro. Enjoy~!
42.  But maybe cell phones.
43. GIVE ME THAT SWEET CANCER~!
44. BLACK LIVES MATTER~! Becahse, I promise, the “Black Lives Matter” movement is JUAST as relevant as ANY thing Carey Elwwes is on about befoire ghe gets kidnappend and shit. It’s VERY MUCH the same argumenht.
45. Yes. I was trying to be all “hipster-ish.”
46. But fuck you. You know I’m right

    

47. Carey Elwes, the level-headed person that he is. Uses his brain.
48. Throws the cigarette to… Adam La-VBlamiewdesd-Flasbarkofoveracting. No. That’s the ACTUAL character’s name. On IMDB. Forreals. Kinda.
49. And no. I swear to god. While I may have a problem with the exsitence of the spelllig of his name. “Leigh.” Does a great job here with th whole, “Adam, pretending to die” BIT.
50. BOOM~!
51. Actinh is bui;;shit. Kinda.
52. Then. Adam becomes the creepu Adam that we all know who Adam is. Stop it.
53. Then. Afdam takes creepyu pictures in the dark. Because. Obviousdly. Afdam is creepy.

    

54. Zeb/Zep is such a cunt.
55. “I’ve always been happy wityh you.” Is SUCH a Louius C, K. way out of this argument.
56. Then. Zeb/Zep is the obvious cunt that he is. Because. We’re out o ftime.
57. Carey Elwes get zap shocked. Just cause. RKO OUTTA NO WHJERE!~!\
58. “Zep” is limping sand shit.
59. Becayse… I mean. It’s “Zeb,” right?
60. “Leigh” can’t even Lee his way out of this shit.
61. As drunk as I am. I let my family die. Whilst the phone rings. Before I EVER cut off my foot and stuffs.
62. OH~! THEN DANNY GLOVER GETS SHOT? Maybe?
63. #BlackLivesMatter
64. “Laurence” kills Adam. Then… He fucks off for six-seven years.
65. BOOM~! Danny Glover just got shot. And. Fuclked off. And died. #BlackLivesMatter
66. Carey Elwaeys is lik, “Hey. I cuyt my leg off. Because. Reasons. So. I’ll be seein you. In all ythe ole’ familiar places. In like. Six years. Because. THAT MAKES SENSE!~@
67. And then. Sadly. Carey Elwes didn’t matter. Att all. Even though he finally. Showed up for this…

    

68. And thjen. ANY sorrt of awesomness trhat MAY have been portrayed by the arriva; of Dr. Lawremce FGordon… ALL of it was destroyed when Cary Elwaes FINALLY decided to rejoin the Saw cast.
69. And… bullshit.

Bottom line? Saw was awesome because it had the amazing “I see dead people” kinda twist tghat the moderen horror/slasher film had been lacking. Saw is great because it cresated tje “torture porn” gengre. Without EVER attempting to do so.

Saw is great. Because “Leigh.”

Fuck “Leigh.”