Why I Rage Quit Mass Effect: Andromeda

I get it. I get it. I get it.

#1. It’s almost may. And I’m still all on about a game that game outnearly 2 months ago. Or. Maths. Which is ilke. 30 years, in this attntionless generation.
#2. Within the course of the past… I duno know. 4ish months I’m rambled about Mass Effect: Andromeda. Again. And and. And again. I get it. But man. I can’t tell you how much I was stoked for the game. How much I did, legitimately enjoy every second I spent playing it. Stuffs and things like that.

But then. Something happened.

Something absolutely terrible.
Something that rocked my very existence.

Something that truly has. Made me rage quit.

*AS A TRIGGER WARNING THIS RAMBLING MAY INCLUDE NUDITY… I HAVEN’T DECIDED YET*

As an out of the closet, leading member of the male lesbian community — I am upset, heartbroken, an offended that BioWare has treated us with no respect, whatsoever.

As a male lesbian, I was promised by the BioWare team to be shown “pretty awesome sex scenes.” And sure, there were two sex scenes out of the five available that were, “pretty awesome.” But only one of those scenes could have potentially be lesbian in nature. The other involved your female character having relations with a bony, gross, naked alien man. In fact this is the only scene in which cunnilingus is ever displayed.

The scene in question:

Now. Let me set the stage.

When I first purchased this game. I came home, downloaded everything (pre-order and deluxe stuffs included) and I began playing a quick start Sara. And I was completely torn about who I was going to romance. Would it be PeeBee )or Peebs as I’ve come to know her :$_) or Suvbi/?

Being a male lesbian. I was VERY torn.

In the end. I decided, I’d go with Peebs. And. I mean. I wasn’t disappointed:

So, I decided I’d do quick playthroughs just to watch all of the other romances unfold. Which, just saying, Liam and Vetra were the worst out of those. But. I’d save Suvi for last. Because. I was promised. By BioWar. That there would be “pretty awesome sex scenes.”

The next playthrough I did, I played as a male ryder, romancing Cora. And during the sex scene there’s actually a “I’ll show you my dick” joke as an option.

Which.

Just.

Obviously…

One of these.

But. During the sex scene, there’s only one breast of Cora’s ever visible. And it’s only for mileseconds. As if she’s hiding her impant scars or something.

Eventually. I come to my last playthrough. And I get to Suvi. And I find out that Ryder and Subi are about to get all sorts of romantic inside the science lab on the Nexus. And I’m excite.d Because. As a male lesbian. This is, EXACTLY what I want to occur.

But instead of a “pretty awesome sec scene.”

I’m given this:

Don’t get me wrong. All of the sex scenes were very romantic and sweet. Both are gigantic quealityies in the male lesbian community.  Especially if you choose the “No sex” options. Much sweet. Very romatic. Things.

But.

BioWare? Why are you opressing us? The male lesbians. We deserve so much better. The only time we are ever allowed to view breasts during your sex scenes is during two alien romances. One male. One female. This is unacceptable.

Viewing femalebreasts is a cornerstone of the male lesbian community. You are denying our rights. Our sexuality. And our existence. This is unfair. And unjust. And thus. Fellow male lesbians. I suggest you send your tweets expressing your outrage to @Bioware using the hastag #MaleLesbiansMatter.

We are real.

We are not a joke.

We will not sit down.

We will not shut up.

We will resist this oppression.

We will MAKE BioWare listen.
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Ryan

I’m pretty awesome. I write drunken ramblings. Lover of gaming. Engaged in an on-again-off-again relationship with pro-wrestling. And I am your resident Batman expert.

One thought on “Why I Rage Quit Mass Effect: Andromeda

  • May 9, 2017 at 12:41 pm
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    Finally, someone understands that #MALELESBIANSMATTER

    Reply

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